He'll Make You Pay!

Lately I've been trying to mess with Carson's naps to try and actually have a life. People think stay-at-home Mom's just stay at home all day and have all this time to sit around and smell the roses. Not quite. When I was expecting Carson I was one of those people who thought stay-at-home Mom's had so much time to get laundry, cooking and cleaning done. I was excited about having time to keep an organized house and thought I'd have it all together. Fast forward almost a year and our house looks like a disaster almost every day. The thing is, I never stop cleaning and everything still looks a mess!

Why is this happening? I guess here's what an average day looks like for me. 

6-630am- Carson wakes up 
7am- we play and eat breakfast
830-9am- Carson has a nap
10-1030am- Carson wakes up from his nap
1030am-12pm- my opportunity to do an errand or meet up with a friend
Noon- Carson eats lunch
1230-1pm- Carson's afternoon nap
230-3pm- Carson wakes up
4pm- Carson's dinner
6pm- Carson's bathtime
7pm- Carson's bedtime

Basically, my life revolves around Carson's naps. I'm stuck in the house otherwise. I do dishes 2-3 times a day. I have to shower while he naps or else he gets into all the cupboards in the bathroom or tries to eat toilet paper and rip down the shower curtain. (such a boy!)

I tried to have Carson nap at a friends house the other week and he wasn't having any of that. There was no way he was going to sleep somewhere else. So, I had to drive him home. All I wanted was some time to relax with a friend while he napped. Her baby is on the same sleep schedule as Carson so we figured it would be fine. Carson didn't think so.

 I sure paid for that. It took 2 whole days for Carson to start sleeping normally again. It was like going backwards. I was a mess about it. I felt like it was my fault for trying to do something different. I get about an hour of time to spend out of the house and then I have to go home, feed Carson his lunch and put him down for a nap. I just wanted more time to enjoy my friend and eat lunch without listening to my baby cry or worry about him getting into something or having him throw food at me while I try to eat.

The same thing happened when I took him to my parents. He had a great 2 hour morning nap, then only slept for 40 minutes in the afternoon. I didn't get home until 7pm (which is reasonable right??) and he didn't end up going to bed until almost 9pm! Teething may be the culprit here. He's just been so sensitive to sleep. I can't get away with anything. No fun for Mommy! 


It's frustrating, exhausting, stressful and tiring. I'm going to have to start having people come visit me from now on. Until Carson outgrows his morning nap, I have to accept that I have very limited time to accomplish my mountain of never ending chores, errands and every day life stuff (like having a shower or remembering to brush my teeth!).

I guess the moral of this story is that no matter what, Carson has to come first.  This baby will not let me change anything. He knows routine, he knows his bed and he wants his way or else he'll make you pay!

It's Never Too Late To Start....

I have found myself saying:"I've been meaning to do that" a lot lately. Each week passes by and "that" never gets done.  The never ending day to day tasks consume my weeks, days, hours and minutes. So, what is the problem? Why can't I seem to have time for anything? Why is dinner never planned out? Still? Carson is almost 10 months and I'm still "failing" at being the perfect Mom and wife. 

How to fix this.... 

PLANNING!!!!!!!

So, starting May 1st I plan to regularly make meal plans using this sheet, start using a budget for us to keep on track with expenses and see where all the money goes. I was using Google Calendar for a while to plan everything from working out to getting together with friends. It was working, so I need to start that again. 

I have also decided to start cloth diapering Carson. It seems kind of crazy at first. Why would I want to add more work to my days if I can barely get everything done now? There is no logical answer to that question. I originally wanted to cloth diaper and was going to do the trial after Carson's first month, once again, I just never got around to doing it. Almost 10 months later I'm starting. 

This seems to be a common theme according to many Mom's in a cloth diapering Q & A group I'm a member of. It really never is too late. It is better to start helping the environment and your baby whenever you can. I'm hoping it will help with potty training. Carson will feel the wetness much more with cloth. We will see soon enough how that goes!

I borrowed a few cloth diapers from a good friend and used them for 2 days. It honestly isn't hard to use cloth diapers, at least the pocket ones. No folding. Just snaps. Easy. I was expecting it to be a lot harder. I knew it had to be easy for me and Austin or neither of us would ever get on board the cloth diaper train.

It's weird how people react when you say you're cloth diapering. Someone said:"Ewwww!" What's so gross? Everything is contained in a wet bag and the poo just goes down the toilet. Simple. It's not hard. If I can learn this and do this, anyone can. 


So today marks the first day of changing over to the cloth diapering world. I still have to perfect my laundry routine and figure out what is going to work best for all of us, but I'm positive and hopeful that what I'm doing is right not only for the environment, but for Carson as well.
Here's what I bought to start out and how much I spent:
1 Wetbag from PlanetWise $34
Country Save Detergent $12.99

6 used Fuzzibunz $10 each
3 Rumparooz $23.50 each
1 Bumgenius elemental cloth diaper +organic cotton all in one (no insert, closest to disposable!) $27.50
1 Bumgenius 4.0 Snap pocket $23.45
1 Swaddlebee Simplex $21.45

My loot

Here is a link to a helpful site that I read when I was contemplating cloth diapering. Is Cloth Diapering Worth it?
A couple more links to the brands I purchased:
Rumparooz
Fuzzibunz
Swaddlebees 
BumGenius

I hope my first day goes well! I only have a few more days until May 1st when I need to get my life in order!! Wish me luck!

Enjoying the Moments

Over the past few days I have been really trying to savour each moment I spend with Carson. I know I have been enjoying these last 9 months, but there have been many moments of frustration and stress that came along with a lot of sleep deprivation.  Now that I am getting at least 5 hours of sleep in a row, life with a baby is much more manageable. Oh, and coffee is helping out too!

A change that has reminded me to just slow down has been seeing how quick Carson has gone from just crawling to pulling himself up on almost anything. Every day it seems easier and easier for him to just stand up. He's falling down less and less and reaching for everything. It's amazing to see how fast he's growing up. Carson is also talking so much more. It's mostly just "Dad, daddadadada!" in various ways, but it's still the cutest thing ever. He's been doing this since January, but now it's more like he's trying to tell us something. I'm working on getting him to say "Mama!" next.

I read an article in a magazine this week and it was written to new Moms. The author is a Mom herself and wrote about how when her baby was young she rushed getting out of the baby stage. I have wished the same thing from time to time. The article then went on to say that if she could go back, she would have held her baby a little more, not let her baby cry as much, not rush getting her baby out of a stroller-- it will happen fast enough! Her children are now older and she said she wishes she could just go back to those baby days. This article reminded me that this is probably one of the most special times of my life and that I need to take more time to just relax and enjoy my little baby now because I will never get these days back.

I am always afraid of life just passing me by. It already seems to be. I don't want to have any regrets. I want to enjoy these special moments as much as I can. Carson is such a happy little boy. He has so much to offer. He loves to interact with me and it's amazing that I created this little human. I really want to take more time to just reflect on these things. Sometimes life is too crazy. It's hard to slow down. There is always so much to do. I'm trying to find ways to simplify things and just let things go.

Once Carson was born it felt like my life just sort of reset. I started a new chapter of my life. Even from the beginning to now, it's unbelievable how much I have changed and evolved. I have learned so many things and gained so much experience.  I was never prepared for just how much my baby was going to change my life. People say babies change everything, it's true. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than being Carson's Mom. He brings so much love into my life. It's an overwhelming feeling of love and joy when I look at him. He's just so pure and innocent and happy. I am so proud to be his Mother and to have created this beautiful family. We are truly blessed and I will never take these days for granted. I have learned a big lesson, to slow down and truly enjoy being in this moment.

The Importance of Mommy Friends

This week I've already had visits with two of my friends who have babies only a week or two younger than Carson. One friend also has an almost 3 year old which gives me a chance to see what it will be like whenever Austin and I have a second baby one day. 

This year off is flying by. I haven't been the best at getting together with other Mom's as much as I know I should have. I haven't gone to play groups in fear of messing up Carson's naps and I lost interest in Mom and Baby yoga when I had no one else to go with and wasn't really connecting with other Mom's.  It has been much more challenging than I imagined finding other Mom's to connect with face to face. There are many online Mom groups, but I just think we all need a little more face to face HUMAN contact too.

If it wasn't for these couple Mom friends I do get together with, everyone else I know is working. Once Carson arrived, I kind of lost touch with anyone who doesn't have kids. It's the truth, as awful as it is. It's harder to have the same social life as I did before because my kid naps 2 times a day and goes to bed at 7pm. Life is certainly more restricted.  I can't just get up and go the way I used to and maybe it's hard for people to understand or relate to. Maybe they do get it, but don't feel like being around parents who talk about their kid all the time. I know I didn't get it until I had my own baby. You're life is really consumed by your little one 24/7.

I'm lucky to have the great friends I do have. They always understand that I can't plan too far in advance and sometimes can't even shower before getting together. It's totally acceptable to eat baby food for lunch and sit on the floor in our head to toe black outfits. Mom friends just get it. I can be myself. I never feel judged. I always have a person who can relate to my struggles and joys. 


To all my Mom friends (you know who you are) thank you for welcoming me into your homes and being there for me when I've needed it. Thanks for motivating me to workout and for reminding me not to be too hard on myself. Thanks for listening to all my blabbing. Thanks for everything. Xoxo

Accepting the Changes

Carson sure is a changing boy. It has been hard to keep up with it all to be honest. The crawling was so fast we just weren't ready for it. Our house was not baby proofed and it made my days long and very unproductive. Now, we have gates that actually work and stay where they need to be so I can let my little guy roam around without worrying too much. At least I can do the dishes and cook now. Yay for me!

The one change that has been harder to accept for me as the Mother, has been the end of breastfeeding. It's been a week now since the last night I nursed him and I'm still a little sad it's all over.

What is making it harder to accept is that I'm still making milk. It takes longer than I expected to just dry up. Having the milk still there keeps reminding me what I'm missing out on. I really loved breastfeeding. Yes, there were some challenges, but I loved having that quiet time with Carson.

I've also learned that once again, there are more hormonal changes that come along when the breastfeeding stops. My husband doesn't know what mood I'm going to be in from one minute to the next. Thankfully, he deals with me. 

Carson has been the happiest, sweetest, cutest baby over the past few days. He's also sleeping so well and really enjoying his freedom around the house. I know giving him bottles and formula wasn't what I had in mind, but I am accepting it. It has just taken me some time.

I do think it's a sad way to end breastfeeding, no matter when it happens, by being engorged and uncomfortable. To me, breastfeeding is a beautiful relationship and the ending takes away some of the beauty. 

I'm just focusing on the new changes and letting go of the "baby stage". Carson is entering into the toddler stage now and he's happier than ever!

Cabbage Leaves

Day one of no pumping and my boobs are hard as rocks! Ouch! Just holding Carson hurts. I did give in and pump for about three minutes this morning just to relieve a bit of the pressure so I could function. I guess since I'm desperate enough I'm going to try using cabbage leaves. I went to the store and basically only bought a head of cabbage. I must have looked weird.

I hope the cabbage leaves help and the milk stops soon! I went to bed without a bra last night and that was a mistake. I woke up covered in milk.... ewww! There is nothing all that easy when it comes to stopping milk production. Carson still has no interest in feeding. I did try again just to see what he would do and he did not want to be put in the feeding position. It's almost been a week now.

I've made my decision and I'm just going to stick with it. I was reading a site about child lead weaning and it just made me feel bad about stopping at this point. I know that I'm doing what's best for my baby and myself. I can't keep forcing a baby to breastfeed.

Bottle feeding is going well. Carson is happier and sleeping better too. He was up a few too many times last night for some unknown reasons, but it's all good. We're figuring things out one day at a time.

How to use Cabbage Leaves to help relieve engorgement

The Bittersweet End of Breastfeeding

Ok, so I am skipping some really cool stories to write about what's going on now, but I promise to get back to crawling and our road trip to London later. I just wanted to write now about this because it's happening now and fresh in my head.

Carson has decided he doesn't have an interest in breastfeeding anymore. Yes, that was hard to type. It's only been about 4 days since the last time I nursed him and I am still a little emotional about it. I just wasn't ready yet. It seems too early. I was prepared to nurse him until he didn't want it anymore, within reason. I wasn't planning on having a toddler grabbing my boobs in public for a little sip. 

Over the past couple of months Carson has started to take less interest in nursing during the day, but I figured that out. I just started feeding him when he was sleepy and he was getting breastmilk at least 4-5 times a day on top of any solids and water we were giving him.  However, I was feeding him twice at night and those were much longer feedings than his daytime feedings were. Carson eventually stopped wanting his mid-afternoon feeding. I tried to force him and that isn't the best idea.

He then started biting me on top of it all. I tried to ignore it, but it freaking hurts! He has these two little bottom puppy teeth and they are sharp. I was getting more and more frustrated and so was he. Then I got the flu and my milk supply quickly slowed down. He still wasn't willing to nursing very well. I tried for more than 2 days to get him to feed and nothing was working. I had to give in and give him a bottle of my expressed milk. I decided to rent a hospital grade pump and was determined to keep him off formula (after reading the ingredients I was freaking out!). 

Once I started pumping I wasn't able to express enough milk to keep up with the bottles he was drinking. I had to supplement with formula. Yes, I didn't want to, but to me the most important thing is Carson and his health. He needs to eat. If he won't nurse and I wasn't pumping enough milk to give him what he needed, I had to use formula.

After a day of giving him four 6-8 ounce bottles he sure turned into a much happier baby. So although it was very difficult for me to give him formula, I had no choice and he obviously needed it. He simply wasn't getting enough calories during the day before. His diapers are much fuller now and he has been content. These are many indications that he simply wasn't getting enough milk from me. Now that he is fully hydrated and full, he is also sleeping 9 hours through the night. This is a miracle! I have had two nights of real sleep and it's amazing. 

I was going to keep pumping and giving him my milk mixed with formula, but it's just so much work. Pumping 4 times a day, warming up the milk, and cleaning everything! I just want to enjoy my baby and not be tied to a pump. If I already need to give him formula I might as well save myself some time and stress and just go all the way. Also, I already had my last night nursing Carson and emotionally it's hard trying to feed him and have him reject me over and over.  I just want the milk to be gone. It's not the same having a machine take the milk out of your boobs. It's so mechanical. I miss holding my baby and having him be near me. I don't need to be reminded that he doesn't want me anymore every time I pump. 

I do miss nursing already. I always knew that no matter when it ended I would miss it. He's not my little baby anymore. He's growing up very fast already and changing day by day. This experience has forced me to let him be more independent. The end of breastfeeding is very bittersweet. I miss our special time together that no one else had, but I am also looking forward to being more free. I can actually go out for more than a few hours without worrying about having to be home to nurse. Now, anyone can feed him and I can try to get out more. Breastfeeding does really tie the Mother down. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The bond Carson and I share is beautiful and I am proud to have given him the best start in life possible. I made it through my own challenges and enjoyed everything about nursing. Now I just have to go through the weaning stage. I'm just hoping it isn't going to last too long or be too painful.

Here are some links that I found helpful when I was going through this stuff. 

Help!-My Baby Won't Nurse

The Distractable Baby

Biting