A while ago we were thinking about heading down south for a week to finally get away and kick up out feet. Thinking more and more about it, we were sure it was the perfect time to take Carson on his first adventure down south and we were confident we could handle it.
After doing some research and trying to figure out a date that would work, we decided it just wasn't worth the money right now. It would have been well over what we wanted to spend and we knew it wasn't going to be the kind of vacation we wanted (one without a baby for that kind of money!!!). Also, the dates just weren't lining up. So, we made it through another winter here in Canada and survived, even with a baby!
It's all for the best anyway, we've been having some awesome spring temperatures so I'm glad we didn't book anything for April like we were going to!
We still are going to be vacationing this year at some point. It seems like time is just flying by. Carson is coming up on 9 months already and another summer is quickly approaching.
One thing I've learned and will remember when we have our second baby is that if we just book something ahead of time we will be forced to go and have fun. We thought about it too much and then it was too late. Carson was at just the right stage in January and February to go away. He was good at sitting in one spot and not going anywhere. I miss that already!
Something we've both learned out of this is that planning is a big part of being parents now. If we don't make plans for fun, it just doesn't happen. I don't like planning everything in my days or weeks, because things change, but making the effort to plan time for family fun is something we need do more of.
March 26, 2012
March 11, 2012
Success!!!
I am happy to announce that for now, sleep in our house is getting much easier. Carson still likes to fight sleep and is pretty stubborn sometimes, but we are making huge amounts of progress.
Carson has learned how to sit up in his crib and continues to get stuck in the strangest positions. I have to go in and rescue him at times and tuck him back in. This has made it tough to decipher when he's crying if he needs me or not. I just wait to see if I can hear him banging on the crib. He likes to throw his soother out of the crib too. I think he gets frustrated because he wants to get it and can't.
The good news is that there is much less crying now. Even during the night. When I feed him he goes right back to sleep all on his own. No protesting. His eyes are open when I put him in his crib. I don't rock him back to sleep at all. This means I'm only awake for 10-15 minutes now when he needs a feeding. This is much better than before.
I have accepted that Austin and I created much of the poor sleep habits that Carson has ourselves. I went through a day or two of feeling guilty about that.(Always blaming myself!) I caused him to be reliant on me to fall asleep and now we are forced to break these habits.
Austin and I didn't do any reading about sleep. We just thought we could figure it all out. Mistake # 1! Thankfully, Carson is handling the changes well and we are seeing many positive changes in his sleep habits.
I feel so relieved to finally have "figured" this out. For those of you who are judging me for my method of letting my precious baby boy cry, I don't care. I however, judged others for doing this and have now done it myself. I guess that makes me a hypocrite?? Yep. That's me. All I know is that sometimes doing what is "right" isn't easy. It's been 4 days of sticking to this new way and Carson barley makes a peep when he goes down to sleep. In less than a week, his sleep habits have dramatically changed. Those are real results with a lasting impact. A healthy new way of life for all of us in the Reid household.
I'm still not sleeping as well as I should be. I was reading more of the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child today, and it mentioned that if monitors are being used to stop using them. My kid is only a few feet away and in the next room. I'm only making my sleep less restful by amplifying the sounds of him fussing himself back to sleep. He's not even crying, but it wakes me up. I will hear him when he needs me.
Here is an interesting paragraph I love from the book.
I know, it makes you feel bad right? It sure made me see that I was holding Carson back and not allowing him to figure things out on his own. Now that I've given him the chance to do so, look how well he's doing! It's great!
Anyone who knows me must be surprised to hear me say I let my kid cry it out. Even 2 months ago, I never thought I would do this. The thing is, I tried all the fluffy stuff, like going to him every 5-10-15 minutes, picking up, putting down, ect.. It was all too little too late.
If I had started to change our sleep habits earlier on at 3-4 months, maybe a more "gentle" approach could have been successful. On the other hand, Carson is a pretty stubborn kid. He is happy and easy going, but when it comes to sleep, he doesn't do so well. I'm sure he gets this from me. So, Mom and Dad, I guess I'm getting my "pay back".
I also have changed my thinking of crying. Crying is a form of communication. When Carson goes to sleep, he's always fed and comfortable. When I did go to him when he cried all the time, he would laugh at me or start trying to play games. He just wanted attention. This behaviour is also my fault. I went to him for everything for so long that he got used to my company, instead of just going back to sleep on his own, my presence awakened him much more than if I would have just left him.
There are so many ways to break bad sleep habits. My choice may not be right for you and your family. Like I've said, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Having a baby is tough. I didn't think it would be this hard. I feel so much pride that I have accomplished something positive for my baby. He needs sleep that isn't fragmented. He needs rest to grow and be strong and healthy.
It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions, but we've survived and come out stronger than ever!
Carson has learned how to sit up in his crib and continues to get stuck in the strangest positions. I have to go in and rescue him at times and tuck him back in. This has made it tough to decipher when he's crying if he needs me or not. I just wait to see if I can hear him banging on the crib. He likes to throw his soother out of the crib too. I think he gets frustrated because he wants to get it and can't.
The good news is that there is much less crying now. Even during the night. When I feed him he goes right back to sleep all on his own. No protesting. His eyes are open when I put him in his crib. I don't rock him back to sleep at all. This means I'm only awake for 10-15 minutes now when he needs a feeding. This is much better than before.
I have accepted that Austin and I created much of the poor sleep habits that Carson has ourselves. I went through a day or two of feeling guilty about that.(Always blaming myself!) I caused him to be reliant on me to fall asleep and now we are forced to break these habits.
Austin and I didn't do any reading about sleep. We just thought we could figure it all out. Mistake # 1! Thankfully, Carson is handling the changes well and we are seeing many positive changes in his sleep habits.
I feel so relieved to finally have "figured" this out. For those of you who are judging me for my method of letting my precious baby boy cry, I don't care. I however, judged others for doing this and have now done it myself. I guess that makes me a hypocrite?? Yep. That's me. All I know is that sometimes doing what is "right" isn't easy. It's been 4 days of sticking to this new way and Carson barley makes a peep when he goes down to sleep. In less than a week, his sleep habits have dramatically changed. Those are real results with a lasting impact. A healthy new way of life for all of us in the Reid household.
I'm still not sleeping as well as I should be. I was reading more of the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child today, and it mentioned that if monitors are being used to stop using them. My kid is only a few feet away and in the next room. I'm only making my sleep less restful by amplifying the sounds of him fussing himself back to sleep. He's not even crying, but it wakes me up. I will hear him when he needs me.
Here is an interesting paragraph I love from the book.
"It cannot be emphasized enough: The major sleep problems in babies from five to twelve months old develop and persist because of the inability of parents to stop reinforcing bad sleep habits. Some parents don't see themselves as interfering with an important learning process in their child, namely, learning how to soothe themselves to sleep unassisted. The failure of children to fall asleep and stay asleep by themselves is the direct result of parents' failure to give their child the opportunity to learn these self-soothing skills. In other words, some parents can't leave their kids alone long enough for them to fall asleep by themselves. Don't underestimate children's competence and ability to learn at these early months!" p. 271-272 Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child; M.Weissbluth,M.D.
I know, it makes you feel bad right? It sure made me see that I was holding Carson back and not allowing him to figure things out on his own. Now that I've given him the chance to do so, look how well he's doing! It's great!
Anyone who knows me must be surprised to hear me say I let my kid cry it out. Even 2 months ago, I never thought I would do this. The thing is, I tried all the fluffy stuff, like going to him every 5-10-15 minutes, picking up, putting down, ect.. It was all too little too late.
If I had started to change our sleep habits earlier on at 3-4 months, maybe a more "gentle" approach could have been successful. On the other hand, Carson is a pretty stubborn kid. He is happy and easy going, but when it comes to sleep, he doesn't do so well. I'm sure he gets this from me. So, Mom and Dad, I guess I'm getting my "pay back".
I also have changed my thinking of crying. Crying is a form of communication. When Carson goes to sleep, he's always fed and comfortable. When I did go to him when he cried all the time, he would laugh at me or start trying to play games. He just wanted attention. This behaviour is also my fault. I went to him for everything for so long that he got used to my company, instead of just going back to sleep on his own, my presence awakened him much more than if I would have just left him.
There are so many ways to break bad sleep habits. My choice may not be right for you and your family. Like I've said, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Having a baby is tough. I didn't think it would be this hard. I feel so much pride that I have accomplished something positive for my baby. He needs sleep that isn't fragmented. He needs rest to grow and be strong and healthy.
It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions, but we've survived and come out stronger than ever!
March 8, 2012
Here's the Truth
In my previous post about sleep I know I said that Carson has been sleeping good and that I have been letting him cry. The truth is that I have been giving in and slowly resorting back to old habits of helping him get to sleep. Yes, his sleep has improved and I haven't been helping him get to sleep all the time, but I have been giving in if he cries too long.
I have been giving him the opportunity to get to sleep on his own and we did let him cry for a while about 6 weeks ago and we saw an improvement almost right away. Then, I started rocking him to sleep again so that he would just sleep and I could get on with my day. This was selfish of me I suppose. I was again, taking away his independence and thinking of myself and getting out of the house. I should have stuck it out because it would have been easier then doing it again now.
Yesterday was the first day of letting him cry again for real. This time I'm sticking to my guns and motivated to see it through. No more giving in.
Here is how the day played out yesterday...
Morning Nap
Sucked. Basically napped for 30 minutes. I let him cry, then gave in after about 20 minutes because I wanted to get to the gym for a class at 1030 and needed him to just sleep. He ended up having a 40 minute nap at the gym daycare. This is not ideal. He should be napping properly in his crib for at least an hour to get a restful sleep. Something new I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
Afternoon Nap
Sucked again. He fell asleep on his own but only slept for 30 minutes. He has learned how to sit up and does this in his crib and gets frustrated that he can't go back to sleep sitting up.... can anyone? So, I did go in and walk him around the room for 20 minutes. He settled down and when I put him in his crib to sleep he woke up. So frustrating. I let him cry for a while. After an hour of listening to him cry and almost go to sleep, then cry, I gave up.
Bedtime
Since his naps were awful, I knew he was going to be overtired and cranky so I started bedtime a little earlier. Another important thing I learned is to follow your baby's cues. They will let you know they are tired. Don't ignore it!
I bathed Carson and then nursed him in his room with no lights on. This was around 530pm. He started to fall asleep nursing so I switched sides and he woke up more. I gave him his soother and then put him in his crib after hugging him and kissing him goodnight. I tucked him in and put on his mobile. I have never tired letting him sleep on his own for bedtime ever, so I was expecting him to scream bloody murder.
I went in our bedroom and waited for the crying to begin. It was 6:11pm. At exactly 6:14pm, there was quiet in the room. I waited about 5 more minutes before sneaking into his room and putting his blanket on him.
He then slept for 3 hours before stirring around 9pm. I let him talk to himself and find his way back to sleep. He did take about 15 minutes or so until getting there, but he did it. At 1230am he woke up for a feeding, it had been 6 hours since the last one.
Another 3 hours later he woke up again. I noticed he was pretty hot. Not sweating, but almost feverish. I noticed this before bedtime but figured I'd wait to give him anything for it. This was the right time, so I gave him some Advil and nursed again. He seemed thirsty. He slept after this until 7am.
Huge breakthroughs last night! I'm so happy. None of this has been easy. Austin has had a harder time with it since he's not here as much. It's hard to hear your child cry, but we know it's worth it. I'm sure Carson will protest many other things as he grows up and we will have to say no. That's all we're doing now. It's all for his own good. We all need more sleep and with more sleep there will be less stress and a much happier family life. We're on the right track, we just need to keep on going.
I have been giving him the opportunity to get to sleep on his own and we did let him cry for a while about 6 weeks ago and we saw an improvement almost right away. Then, I started rocking him to sleep again so that he would just sleep and I could get on with my day. This was selfish of me I suppose. I was again, taking away his independence and thinking of myself and getting out of the house. I should have stuck it out because it would have been easier then doing it again now.
Yesterday was the first day of letting him cry again for real. This time I'm sticking to my guns and motivated to see it through. No more giving in.
Here is how the day played out yesterday...
Morning Nap
Sucked. Basically napped for 30 minutes. I let him cry, then gave in after about 20 minutes because I wanted to get to the gym for a class at 1030 and needed him to just sleep. He ended up having a 40 minute nap at the gym daycare. This is not ideal. He should be napping properly in his crib for at least an hour to get a restful sleep. Something new I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
Afternoon Nap
Sucked again. He fell asleep on his own but only slept for 30 minutes. He has learned how to sit up and does this in his crib and gets frustrated that he can't go back to sleep sitting up.... can anyone? So, I did go in and walk him around the room for 20 minutes. He settled down and when I put him in his crib to sleep he woke up. So frustrating. I let him cry for a while. After an hour of listening to him cry and almost go to sleep, then cry, I gave up.
Bedtime
Since his naps were awful, I knew he was going to be overtired and cranky so I started bedtime a little earlier. Another important thing I learned is to follow your baby's cues. They will let you know they are tired. Don't ignore it!
I bathed Carson and then nursed him in his room with no lights on. This was around 530pm. He started to fall asleep nursing so I switched sides and he woke up more. I gave him his soother and then put him in his crib after hugging him and kissing him goodnight. I tucked him in and put on his mobile. I have never tired letting him sleep on his own for bedtime ever, so I was expecting him to scream bloody murder.
I went in our bedroom and waited for the crying to begin. It was 6:11pm. At exactly 6:14pm, there was quiet in the room. I waited about 5 more minutes before sneaking into his room and putting his blanket on him.
He then slept for 3 hours before stirring around 9pm. I let him talk to himself and find his way back to sleep. He did take about 15 minutes or so until getting there, but he did it. At 1230am he woke up for a feeding, it had been 6 hours since the last one.
Another 3 hours later he woke up again. I noticed he was pretty hot. Not sweating, but almost feverish. I noticed this before bedtime but figured I'd wait to give him anything for it. This was the right time, so I gave him some Advil and nursed again. He seemed thirsty. He slept after this until 7am.
Huge breakthroughs last night! I'm so happy. None of this has been easy. Austin has had a harder time with it since he's not here as much. It's hard to hear your child cry, but we know it's worth it. I'm sure Carson will protest many other things as he grows up and we will have to say no. That's all we're doing now. It's all for his own good. We all need more sleep and with more sleep there will be less stress and a much happier family life. We're on the right track, we just need to keep on going.
March 7, 2012
Mr. Independent
At 8 months old Carson has started to morph into a little man now. He was always very curious and determined to learn new things on his own, but now that is changing to independence.
I used to be able to give him anything to eat and now he wants to feed himself. I have tricked him into thinking he's feeding himself by letting him hold the spoon. At least this way he's putting the food in his mouth. If I don't let him touch the spoon, he often closes his lips and turns his head and yells at me. Seriously? At 8 months I'm getting attitude!
When Carson first started doing this I thought "Omg, he doesn't like chicken stew anymore? He loved it yesterday? Fine, I'll go make 4 other dishes for you until you eat." So, I was letting him control me. He started doing this with almost every food. Even finger foods he could eat himself, he was just playing with them and throwing them on the floor and letting Arlo lick them.... great, more mess!
I've accepted it, my little 8'6 baby is now most likely 20 pounds and moving around. He wants to see and do things on his own.
He has also recently decided he likes to share. It all started with his soother. I was walking around with him one day and he took his soother out of his mouth and put it up to my mouth. I took it and he reached to get it back, put it in his mouth and gave it to me again. This continued as I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't realize at first what he was doing was intentional until he kept doing it. I guess he wanted me to stop singing to him!
Later that day, he had the soother in his mouth and Arlo walked in to see us when we were playing on the floor and Carson reached out his hand with the soother and tried to give it to Arlo. There was no way I was letting Arlo destroy another soother. I praised Carson for sharing though. It's so cute. He tried to give me his mushy banana tonight too. I just said "No, thanks." eeeww...
Mr. Independent at 8 months, playing new games and learning new skills each week. Parenthood is full of wonder and amazement. How did I get this lucky to have such a special boy in my life. I couldn't be happier.
 | |
| Carson eating like a big boy! Sharing with Arlo. |
When Carson first started doing this I thought "Omg, he doesn't like chicken stew anymore? He loved it yesterday? Fine, I'll go make 4 other dishes for you until you eat." So, I was letting him control me. He started doing this with almost every food. Even finger foods he could eat himself, he was just playing with them and throwing them on the floor and letting Arlo lick them.... great, more mess!
I've accepted it, my little 8'6 baby is now most likely 20 pounds and moving around. He wants to see and do things on his own.
He has also recently decided he likes to share. It all started with his soother. I was walking around with him one day and he took his soother out of his mouth and put it up to my mouth. I took it and he reached to get it back, put it in his mouth and gave it to me again. This continued as I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't realize at first what he was doing was intentional until he kept doing it. I guess he wanted me to stop singing to him!
Later that day, he had the soother in his mouth and Arlo walked in to see us when we were playing on the floor and Carson reached out his hand with the soother and tried to give it to Arlo. There was no way I was letting Arlo destroy another soother. I praised Carson for sharing though. It's so cute. He tried to give me his mushy banana tonight too. I just said "No, thanks." eeeww...
Mr. Independent at 8 months, playing new games and learning new skills each week. Parenthood is full of wonder and amazement. How did I get this lucky to have such a special boy in my life. I couldn't be happier.
March 6, 2012
The Sleep Journey
When Carson was four months old his sleep took a mysterious turn for the worst. He slept 7-9 hours a night from about 3 weeks and then all of a sudden, he started waking up almost every hour. At first I dealt with it thinking it was just another growth spurt. Then after a week I figured it was indigestion, then teething, then any excuse I could think of.
Austin and I tried everything to get him to sleep better, including co-sleeping, making the room darker, colder, warmer, soothers, less blankets, more blankets, different bedtime routines. Nothing worked. Sleep deprivation crept in and "forcing" Carson to sleep and nap started to consume me.
The one thing I didn't try and was afraid of doing, was letting him cry it out. I was doing the attachment parenting thing and believed that if I let him cry he would hate me and not trust me anymore. I didn't want to ruin the relationship I had built with him. I also didn't want him to have a negative experience in his crib and associate his crib with feeling abandoned.
Now that I've educated myself on sleep (which I should have been doing before Carson was born instead of worrying about contractions), we have been successful in establishing naps and an appropriate bedtime.
Here is the before and now:
Before
I have to thank Tif for giving me a little nudge to change what I was doing. It's not that what I was doing was wrong, but it obviously wasn't working and I needed to do something different to change the situation. I just felt awful letting him cry. I had to distract myself and turn music on, clean baseboards, do dishes, anything but sit by his door and wait. The minutes seemed like hours when all I wanted to do was go in and rock my baby to sleep. I did give in and still do once in a while, this only slows down the progress, but it was the only way I could get through it.
My Mom told me that I was like Carson when I was a baby. I knew this long before I was expecting Carson and thought my parents were so mean for letting me cry it out. Back in the 80's that's what their doctor told them to do. Now I feel like a hypocrite for using the method myself. There were ways to avoid the cry it out method if I had been more educated on sleep before Carson was born. I blame myself for the way his sleep habits changed. I should have done a lot of things differently. I've learned so much.
Once again, my Mom was right! I'm sure she's loving this! Instead of learning the hard way all the time, maybe I just need to listen to her. I just wanted to do things my own way. She kept herself from getting involved and didn't actually tell me what I was doing was wrong or to change anything. I'm sure if she did I wouldn't have listened anyway. Both my parents have been supportive but respectful about the way we do things in our home.
Here are two of the books that I've read. I would suggest to pick one and stick to that method. The two books contradict each other a bit.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
There is so much more to say about sleep. We are still in the middle of this crazy journey and making progress day by day.
Austin and I tried everything to get him to sleep better, including co-sleeping, making the room darker, colder, warmer, soothers, less blankets, more blankets, different bedtime routines. Nothing worked. Sleep deprivation crept in and "forcing" Carson to sleep and nap started to consume me.
The one thing I didn't try and was afraid of doing, was letting him cry it out. I was doing the attachment parenting thing and believed that if I let him cry he would hate me and not trust me anymore. I didn't want to ruin the relationship I had built with him. I also didn't want him to have a negative experience in his crib and associate his crib with feeling abandoned.
Now that I've educated myself on sleep (which I should have been doing before Carson was born instead of worrying about contractions), we have been successful in establishing naps and an appropriate bedtime.
Here is the before and now:
Before
- Naps were basically non-existent. I assumed that 8 hours of sleep at night was enough and if he needed naps he would take them. He did in the form of "cat naps" for maybe 30 minutes in his swing, car seat,on my boobs or in his stroller. That counted as a nap to me at the time. Wrong.
- Bedtime was after being nursed to sleep for sometimes 90 minutes (ridiculous!) and then sometimes he would still wake up when we tried to put him in his grobag or swaddle him.Then he needed to be walked or rocked to sleep and this was at 10pm to stop the screaming. I had even resorted to using my wrap and walking around the neighbourhood for an hour. It worked, but getting him off me woke him up. It was a never-ending vicious cycle of exhaustion and frustration.
- Any time he woke up during the night or made a noise, I went right to him and nursed.
- He has 2-3 naps a day which are anywhere from 45-60minutes in the morning and 60-120 minutes in the afternoons. All naps are in his crib. A big difference from before. It was hard to establish this at first. It took a lot of perseverance.
- We have a very regular nap routine as well. I read him books, put him in his crib, turn on the sound machine (ocean waves) and leave the room when he is still awake. Another huge adjustment from before that took a long time to finally work.
- He falls asleep on his own 85% of the time. Learning to stop rocking him was hard. It was very difficult to hear Carson cry and cry in his crib and not go to him. It made me cry. It was the hardest thing I've had to do so far as a parent that was for his own good. Rocking/nursing him to sleep was taking away his independence and now he has figured out how to fall asleep on his own.
- Now when he makes fussing noises and I know he's ok, I give him the opportunity to fall back to sleep on his own at night time. I only nurse him about every 6 hours at night.
I have to thank Tif for giving me a little nudge to change what I was doing. It's not that what I was doing was wrong, but it obviously wasn't working and I needed to do something different to change the situation. I just felt awful letting him cry. I had to distract myself and turn music on, clean baseboards, do dishes, anything but sit by his door and wait. The minutes seemed like hours when all I wanted to do was go in and rock my baby to sleep. I did give in and still do once in a while, this only slows down the progress, but it was the only way I could get through it.
My Mom told me that I was like Carson when I was a baby. I knew this long before I was expecting Carson and thought my parents were so mean for letting me cry it out. Back in the 80's that's what their doctor told them to do. Now I feel like a hypocrite for using the method myself. There were ways to avoid the cry it out method if I had been more educated on sleep before Carson was born. I blame myself for the way his sleep habits changed. I should have done a lot of things differently. I've learned so much.
Once again, my Mom was right! I'm sure she's loving this! Instead of learning the hard way all the time, maybe I just need to listen to her. I just wanted to do things my own way. She kept herself from getting involved and didn't actually tell me what I was doing was wrong or to change anything. I'm sure if she did I wouldn't have listened anyway. Both my parents have been supportive but respectful about the way we do things in our home.
Here are two of the books that I've read. I would suggest to pick one and stick to that method. The two books contradict each other a bit.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
There is so much more to say about sleep. We are still in the middle of this crazy journey and making progress day by day.
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