Ok all you Mom's out there... how do you stop your child from having that gross crusty booger nose? Carson has been on and off sick for the past 2 weeks and he absolutely hates when I try to clean his nose. I've used an entire package of boogie wipes already and my green bin is half full of tissue. The fun of having a sick kid.
I was out with him today at Chapters and was hoping no other Mom's would notice and think I'm a bad Mom for not cleaning his nose. I do, and I did with a wet cloth before we left, but 2 minutes outside in the cold and it looks ugly again! Why do I even care what anyone thinks?
Moving on to the tea part. I've been happily enjoying tea much more recently. I notice coffee can give me a bitchy crash sometimes. I never know when, but I just notice that with tea, you don't get the caffeine buzz and then nasty crash. There are also many benefits to tea. It's fun to try new teas and to just take that time to relax. Everyone needs a little bit of "me time" and when Carson naps, I make a tea and have 20 minutes to myself... some days..
Maybe tea is the answer to Carson's boogies! haha! Winter is here and so is cold season. Let the wiping of the noses (or battle of the wiping of the noses) begin!
November 27, 2012
November 21, 2012
The Challenges of the First Year
A lot of people told me when I was pregnant to enjoy the rest of my time alone with Austin because once baby comes life is pretty much over. I hated hearing that. What pregnant woman wants to hear that? People say the strangest things. The worst thing you can say to any pregnant woman is: "Wow, you're huge! Are you sure it's not twins!??". I was told this so many times. The first couple times bothered me, but then I just got over it. I was massive!
Anyway, the people were somewhat right about having a baby. Your life as you know it as an expectant parent is over once the baby arrives. There's no denying that! Looking back to the first year now that I have adjusted to everything, it was insane. I don't remember as much as I thought I would. There were many, many sleepless nights and days alone that I thought I was going to go crazy. Days I didn't shower and lost track of everything and everyone. When the sleep regression began at 4 months, our lives took a turn in the other direction.
I feel like sleep is what gets new parents. When you don't have sleep, everything is crazy. I resented Austin when I shouldn't have, I eventually was upset with Carson for not sleeping and not understanding why he wouldn't just shut up and sleep! It sounds blunt, but that's how it was. I'm trying to give a realistic view on parenting and this is how it was for us.
Dinner was rarely made, dishes weren't done, laundry piled up. Slowly things got out of control. Once we went through the process of getting Carson into better sleeping habbits everything changed. Life was a lot better when we were sleeping. Austin slept the entire time, but he had to deal with me. I used to wake him up when I was getting too frustrated to even hold Carson. It was that tough sometimes.
I can happily say that everything we went through was worth it. There is light at the end of the tunnel even when it seems like you're never going to get there. It's ok to be angry and upset with the way things are too. Things also get easier when I finally just accepted that I was doing most of it on my own and I had to just be strong. No one was going to cook or clean for us. I just had to deal with that.
I have grown a lot over the past 16 months. I didn't see it 12 months ago, but the challenges I was facing then taught me so much about myself and my family. I know I have so much to learn and so much more to go through, but I am confident in myself and my husband that we can get through it together and as long as we have love, that's really all we need.
Anyway, the people were somewhat right about having a baby. Your life as you know it as an expectant parent is over once the baby arrives. There's no denying that! Looking back to the first year now that I have adjusted to everything, it was insane. I don't remember as much as I thought I would. There were many, many sleepless nights and days alone that I thought I was going to go crazy. Days I didn't shower and lost track of everything and everyone. When the sleep regression began at 4 months, our lives took a turn in the other direction.
I feel like sleep is what gets new parents. When you don't have sleep, everything is crazy. I resented Austin when I shouldn't have, I eventually was upset with Carson for not sleeping and not understanding why he wouldn't just shut up and sleep! It sounds blunt, but that's how it was. I'm trying to give a realistic view on parenting and this is how it was for us.
Dinner was rarely made, dishes weren't done, laundry piled up. Slowly things got out of control. Once we went through the process of getting Carson into better sleeping habbits everything changed. Life was a lot better when we were sleeping. Austin slept the entire time, but he had to deal with me. I used to wake him up when I was getting too frustrated to even hold Carson. It was that tough sometimes.
I can happily say that everything we went through was worth it. There is light at the end of the tunnel even when it seems like you're never going to get there. It's ok to be angry and upset with the way things are too. Things also get easier when I finally just accepted that I was doing most of it on my own and I had to just be strong. No one was going to cook or clean for us. I just had to deal with that.
I have grown a lot over the past 16 months. I didn't see it 12 months ago, but the challenges I was facing then taught me so much about myself and my family. I know I have so much to learn and so much more to go through, but I am confident in myself and my husband that we can get through it together and as long as we have love, that's really all we need.
November 14, 2012
Loosing The "Baby Weight"
I haven't written a lot about myself and the journey I have taken with the baby weight. It has been a long one, and I will talk more about this soon, but I wanted to note that today I offically can say I lost every single pound I gained!! Yess!! Finally!
Carson is now 16 months and I finally lost the whole 60 pounds I gained while pregnant with him. I never thought it would take this long or be this hard, but I did it. I put my mind to it and made changes, gave up things in order to work out and take the time to plan healthy meals.
It was so much easier just being pregnant and eating! haha! It was fun, but so not worth it in the end. I know now that I wasn't eating right. I may have chosen to eat a well balanced diet, but I was eating too many calories for what my body needed. I stopped intense exercise and weight lifting at about 26 weeks when I was having lower back issues. I did continue to eat like I was still working out as hard as I did before I was pregnant. I've learned a lot for the next time!
I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished in 16 months. Loosing 60 pounds while nursing, taking care of my family and myself has not been easy. I just want other Mom's or Mom-to-be's to know that you too can loose it. Just put to your mind to it and find what works for you. You CAN get your sexy body back too!
Carson is now 16 months and I finally lost the whole 60 pounds I gained while pregnant with him. I never thought it would take this long or be this hard, but I did it. I put my mind to it and made changes, gave up things in order to work out and take the time to plan healthy meals.
It was so much easier just being pregnant and eating! haha! It was fun, but so not worth it in the end. I know now that I wasn't eating right. I may have chosen to eat a well balanced diet, but I was eating too many calories for what my body needed. I stopped intense exercise and weight lifting at about 26 weeks when I was having lower back issues. I did continue to eat like I was still working out as hard as I did before I was pregnant. I've learned a lot for the next time!
I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished in 16 months. Loosing 60 pounds while nursing, taking care of my family and myself has not been easy. I just want other Mom's or Mom-to-be's to know that you too can loose it. Just put to your mind to it and find what works for you. You CAN get your sexy body back too!
October 20, 2012
Such a Happy Boy
Having a baby has changed me. I've realized a lot about myself, my husband and life. I've managed to conquer the first year and become a much stronger woman that I was before I had Carson in my life. The next 20+ years are going to be filled with more challenges and adventures that will help shape me as a person.
The most common comment I've received about Carson has been:"He's just such a happy, sweet boy!". I love hearing this. It makes me feel like Austin and I have done something right. We are both people who put our best foot forward in any situation and want what's best for everyone. We love Carson so much and try out best each day to make him happy. Sometimes we have to say no and he screams at us, but that's our job too. He can't always watch Sesame Street when he wants to... right?
The world is crazy and busy and full of so many bad things, but having Carson to play with each day makes life and the world look so much better. I'm so grateful for my family. I don't take anything for granted. I've finally learned to live in the moment and enjoy what I have. I don't want anything else. It's a peaceful feeling to get to this point. Just happy in my own space, in my own life, that I created with Austin. I have Carson to thank for helping me to reach this point in my life. He's my happy little boy and it's just so contagious!
The most common comment I've received about Carson has been:"He's just such a happy, sweet boy!". I love hearing this. It makes me feel like Austin and I have done something right. We are both people who put our best foot forward in any situation and want what's best for everyone. We love Carson so much and try out best each day to make him happy. Sometimes we have to say no and he screams at us, but that's our job too. He can't always watch Sesame Street when he wants to... right?
The world is crazy and busy and full of so many bad things, but having Carson to play with each day makes life and the world look so much better. I'm so grateful for my family. I don't take anything for granted. I've finally learned to live in the moment and enjoy what I have. I don't want anything else. It's a peaceful feeling to get to this point. Just happy in my own space, in my own life, that I created with Austin. I have Carson to thank for helping me to reach this point in my life. He's my happy little boy and it's just so contagious!
September 10, 2012
The Guilt of a Mother
This morning I dropped Carson off at his daycare and went to the gym. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, but I had to do it. I can't believe how bad I feel when I do things like this to him.
As I was walking away from the house, I could still hear him screaming. I felt awful. I'm making my kid cry and be upset just so I can workout. Tomorrow is his first full day at daycare. He will only be going once a week while I work a full day. It's not even that bad, I'm still with him 70% of the time, but I still feel like the worst Mother ever!!
As a new Mom I think this whole guilt thing is just going to stick around, or I'm breaking myself in and getting super strong for the next one. I feel bad all the time for doing things for myself, so I just don't. I always put Carson first. That's ok though. I want to do that as much as I can. I take time for myself when I can. Luckily, I have a more than capable husband who supports me and cares about giving me time for myself too.
It's funny because I know Carson needs to experience these things, but I never thought it would be this hard. I knew being a Mom would be work, but I never expected to feel bad just for integrating him into daycare. Guilt, guilt, guilt! In the end, all these hard and stressful things just makes me stronger. Carson benefits from it too. He's learned that I come back and that it's ok to be without me for short or longer periods of time.
The guilt of a Mother....
As I was walking away from the house, I could still hear him screaming. I felt awful. I'm making my kid cry and be upset just so I can workout. Tomorrow is his first full day at daycare. He will only be going once a week while I work a full day. It's not even that bad, I'm still with him 70% of the time, but I still feel like the worst Mother ever!!
As a new Mom I think this whole guilt thing is just going to stick around, or I'm breaking myself in and getting super strong for the next one. I feel bad all the time for doing things for myself, so I just don't. I always put Carson first. That's ok though. I want to do that as much as I can. I take time for myself when I can. Luckily, I have a more than capable husband who supports me and cares about giving me time for myself too.
It's funny because I know Carson needs to experience these things, but I never thought it would be this hard. I knew being a Mom would be work, but I never expected to feel bad just for integrating him into daycare. Guilt, guilt, guilt! In the end, all these hard and stressful things just makes me stronger. Carson benefits from it too. He's learned that I come back and that it's ok to be without me for short or longer periods of time.
The guilt of a Mother....
July 9, 2012
A Walking, Talking... What?
Carson has now been walking since early June (the 6th to be exact) and each week his walking has progressed. He went through the falling stages and more timid stages, and now he just runs all over the place. I rarely see him crawl. Only to a wall or thing so he can pull himself back into a standing position.
Over the past 2 weeks Carson is also babbling much more. He really is trying hard to communicate. I've always talked to Carson as much as I could and I have noticed that he actually is starting to understand what I'm saying to him.
When I say "Let's do your diaper." he goes to the stairs and waits for me and we go up together. Same with bathtime, or he knows what walk means already. I am still shocked at how quick this past few months has gone by and just how much my boy has changed and grown up.
I've been so busy with work and life that having a chance to reflect on these changes hasn't come until now. I'm so proud of Carson. He's really smart and developing so well. He's so independent and we have so much fun together.
He likes to play games with me and when we're together and happy, it's like time doesn't exist.
I'm so greatful for all my time with Carson. Being back to work has been busy, but I have also had more chances to really value my time at home. I always did, but now I do even more. I love my boy!
Over the past 2 weeks Carson is also babbling much more. He really is trying hard to communicate. I've always talked to Carson as much as I could and I have noticed that he actually is starting to understand what I'm saying to him.
When I say "Let's do your diaper." he goes to the stairs and waits for me and we go up together. Same with bathtime, or he knows what walk means already. I am still shocked at how quick this past few months has gone by and just how much my boy has changed and grown up.
I've been so busy with work and life that having a chance to reflect on these changes hasn't come until now. I'm so proud of Carson. He's really smart and developing so well. He's so independent and we have so much fun together.
He likes to play games with me and when we're together and happy, it's like time doesn't exist.
I'm so greatful for all my time with Carson. Being back to work has been busy, but I have also had more chances to really value my time at home. I always did, but now I do even more. I love my boy!
June 11, 2012
It's been a week since my first day back to work. I am working about 15-25 hours a week and on paper that doesn't seem like much, but it's been a lot harder to adjust to than I anticipated.
I was so anxious about how Carson was going to be without me there at bedtime. I was hoping for the best, but somewhat wanting him to miss me too. He did really well for Austin for the first two bedtimes without his Mommy. No issues. It was just a normal night, but without me there.
It was so strange being at work. Being in an adult environment is weird to get used to. Working as a CSR in the bank is also a very social job. I was overwhelmed for the first few days. It was weird not being able to eat when I wanted, or even fart! Yes, fart! I said it. You sure get used to being at home when you're on parental leave.
The first full day away from Carson was also a stressful day for me. Of course he woke up at 4am that morning and woke me up too. He did go back to sleep until 7am which is an hour longer than he normally sleeps. The one day that I had to be out of the house by 8am he does this!! Really!?? I had to actually get ready for work. This is a process. Something I'm not really used to. I've been wearing lululemon capris and joe fresh t's for the past 2 months religiously. I've even stopped making excuses for my attire lately. I just don't care! I'm a Mom!
So where am I even going with all of this? I guess going back to work has been much harder than I thought it would be at first. The good news is, like everything, it gets easier. I'm now getting used to it. It's crazy how women can add so much extra to their lives and just keep taking it. Really, wouldn't it be nice if life wasn't so expensive and we could just not work and spend 100% of our time with our children? On the other hand, it's been awesome getting back into a professional environment. I feel like I'm getting my brains back. (not all of them though, I don't think I ever will again.)
I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was for me to just throw myself back into my old job. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised! I was doing it for 5 years almost before I had Carson. It's scary how much I just did without thinking. The team I'm working with has also been very welcoming. The mix of people I'm working with are so easy going and very down to Earth. I feel like I'm really fitting in and I will excel in what I'm doing.
I feel much more relaxed about leaving Carson for extended amounts of time now as well. I am now starting to think about leaving him for a weekend and doing something FUN. I have fun every single day when I'm with Carson, but I mean, baby-free-fun!
Life is a constant battle of dinner, dishes, taking care of everyone and trying to fit in something for yourself (which usually comes last, but hey, that's just something else we accept right?). The real challenge is figuring out how to juggle the important things.
I'm so greatful for the help we've received from my Mother-in-law as well. Carson has not had to go to daycare nor have I had to shell out any extra cash. He gets lots of attention from her too. Thankfully, he's also sleeping for her. This was a HUGE concern before I went back to work.
As you may have read, we had some major sleep troubles with Carson at the beginning so I was worried that everyhting I had worked so hard to make work was going to be thrown out the window. Carson surprised me and kept to his sleeping routine. This was so relieving for us.
June has been a very busy month for the Reid family! Austin's birthday is tomorrow, my sister's bridal shower is next week, and then it's Carson's first birthday the following weekend! I've been dealing with all this on top of starting work again. How do I do it? I just do.
I was so anxious about how Carson was going to be without me there at bedtime. I was hoping for the best, but somewhat wanting him to miss me too. He did really well for Austin for the first two bedtimes without his Mommy. No issues. It was just a normal night, but without me there.
It was so strange being at work. Being in an adult environment is weird to get used to. Working as a CSR in the bank is also a very social job. I was overwhelmed for the first few days. It was weird not being able to eat when I wanted, or even fart! Yes, fart! I said it. You sure get used to being at home when you're on parental leave.
The first full day away from Carson was also a stressful day for me. Of course he woke up at 4am that morning and woke me up too. He did go back to sleep until 7am which is an hour longer than he normally sleeps. The one day that I had to be out of the house by 8am he does this!! Really!?? I had to actually get ready for work. This is a process. Something I'm not really used to. I've been wearing lululemon capris and joe fresh t's for the past 2 months religiously. I've even stopped making excuses for my attire lately. I just don't care! I'm a Mom!
So where am I even going with all of this? I guess going back to work has been much harder than I thought it would be at first. The good news is, like everything, it gets easier. I'm now getting used to it. It's crazy how women can add so much extra to their lives and just keep taking it. Really, wouldn't it be nice if life wasn't so expensive and we could just not work and spend 100% of our time with our children? On the other hand, it's been awesome getting back into a professional environment. I feel like I'm getting my brains back. (not all of them though, I don't think I ever will again.)
I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was for me to just throw myself back into my old job. I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised! I was doing it for 5 years almost before I had Carson. It's scary how much I just did without thinking. The team I'm working with has also been very welcoming. The mix of people I'm working with are so easy going and very down to Earth. I feel like I'm really fitting in and I will excel in what I'm doing.
I feel much more relaxed about leaving Carson for extended amounts of time now as well. I am now starting to think about leaving him for a weekend and doing something FUN. I have fun every single day when I'm with Carson, but I mean, baby-free-fun!
Life is a constant battle of dinner, dishes, taking care of everyone and trying to fit in something for yourself (which usually comes last, but hey, that's just something else we accept right?). The real challenge is figuring out how to juggle the important things.
I'm so greatful for the help we've received from my Mother-in-law as well. Carson has not had to go to daycare nor have I had to shell out any extra cash. He gets lots of attention from her too. Thankfully, he's also sleeping for her. This was a HUGE concern before I went back to work.
As you may have read, we had some major sleep troubles with Carson at the beginning so I was worried that everyhting I had worked so hard to make work was going to be thrown out the window. Carson surprised me and kept to his sleeping routine. This was so relieving for us.
June has been a very busy month for the Reid family! Austin's birthday is tomorrow, my sister's bridal shower is next week, and then it's Carson's first birthday the following weekend! I've been dealing with all this on top of starting work again. How do I do it? I just do.
May 31, 2012
The Best Laid Plans
I feel like my new job is making plans with people. Yes, you know who you are. We are constantly sending messages back and forth and trying to set up a time and place to have a play date. It takes days to figure it out and then last minute, some sort of excuse comes up that we can't hang out. The baby is sick, the baby is cranky, I'm sick, nap schedules aren't synced, the list goes on.... None of these cancelled plans are anyone's fault. It's not like we all don't try to hang out, it just never happens easily with an 11 month old. Oh, how I miss when Carson was just a lump and could go almost anywhere easily. It's about to get crazier now because he's just about walking!!
So, sometimes my weeks seem like they are going to be so full of plans with friends, then most of the time the plans fall through. Most of the time it's because our kids have to nap so much! Why do babies need to sleep 3-4 hours a day?? I'm sure when Carson stops napping I will miss it and just be even busier.
Being pregnant I thought I'd have so much time to spend with other Mom's and be able to meet new friends. Yeah right! My days are all spent doing dishes, laundry, cleaning bathrooms and changing 10 diapers or more. I can't forget about our poor dog Arlo either. He needs walks. We STILL don't have our backyard fenced in so he needs to be walked on a leash. That is a half an hour event in itself.
I guess this post is sort of a general complaint (sorry about that ,I'm sure it's not all that inspiring to any future-Mom's reading this). The reality of being a stay-at-home- Mom is that it can get very monotonous. It's pretty sad when most of my socializing is with a computer! Not my thing really. I'm used to interacting with humans! I'm sure the ladies at Belly Laughs hate when I come in. They must think:"Oh no, not this girl again. She's going to talk to me for 15 minutes about nothing!"
Even though this life of mine sounds crazy and stressful (it can be at times!) I have Carson to keep me going every day. He makes me laugh and is the centre of my existence(Austin and Arlo too!). I wouldn't have it any other way. I have learned to just find pleasure in what my life is and have learned to love my own life. I can't find happiness from others. I've had to learn to find it from myself and from the family I have created.
So, sometimes my weeks seem like they are going to be so full of plans with friends, then most of the time the plans fall through. Most of the time it's because our kids have to nap so much! Why do babies need to sleep 3-4 hours a day?? I'm sure when Carson stops napping I will miss it and just be even busier.
Being pregnant I thought I'd have so much time to spend with other Mom's and be able to meet new friends. Yeah right! My days are all spent doing dishes, laundry, cleaning bathrooms and changing 10 diapers or more. I can't forget about our poor dog Arlo either. He needs walks. We STILL don't have our backyard fenced in so he needs to be walked on a leash. That is a half an hour event in itself.
I guess this post is sort of a general complaint (sorry about that ,I'm sure it's not all that inspiring to any future-Mom's reading this). The reality of being a stay-at-home- Mom is that it can get very monotonous. It's pretty sad when most of my socializing is with a computer! Not my thing really. I'm used to interacting with humans! I'm sure the ladies at Belly Laughs hate when I come in. They must think:"Oh no, not this girl again. She's going to talk to me for 15 minutes about nothing!"
Even though this life of mine sounds crazy and stressful (it can be at times!) I have Carson to keep me going every day. He makes me laugh and is the centre of my existence(Austin and Arlo too!). I wouldn't have it any other way. I have learned to just find pleasure in what my life is and have learned to love my own life. I can't find happiness from others. I've had to learn to find it from myself and from the family I have created.
May 29, 2012
Baby Steps
Carson finally took his first unassisted steps yesterday. It broke my heart at the same time as filling it with overwhelming joy. Thinking that he's just about to turn 11 months already is getting me a bit emotional these days. He sure is growing up fast. It's great to see how well he's growing and becoming his own little person now.
Nothing really prepares you for how fast it all goes by. Everyone told me that it goes by fast, but now I'm here. I'm about to start work again next week and I am just in shock that his first birthday is coming.
A year ago he was still inside my belly and I had no idea the crazy ride I was about to embark on and here we are, with a sweet baby boy taking his first steps.
This month has flown by, just like the rest, and I am excited and nervous about starting back to work part-time. It will be a change even though it's very few hours. I decided to take a position that is close to home and only weekends and evenings for now. I weighed a lot of my options and this was what was going to best suit our family.
I have learned that having a child changes everything. You can't just get up and go do whatever you want to do anymore. Your day ends around 6pm when bath time and bedtime routine start. Everything is busy! It keeps getting busier. I've been told by many that is gets easier as they age, I disagree. Certain things do, but Carson is one busy boy! He doesn't sit still and when he wants something he sure lets me know. It's almost impossible for me to cook dinner or get dishes done with a little person pulling on my pants or pinching my legs!
Carson took his first baby steps this week and I am going to be taking my first baby steps letting him go when I go back to work next week.
Nothing really prepares you for how fast it all goes by. Everyone told me that it goes by fast, but now I'm here. I'm about to start work again next week and I am just in shock that his first birthday is coming.
A year ago he was still inside my belly and I had no idea the crazy ride I was about to embark on and here we are, with a sweet baby boy taking his first steps.
This month has flown by, just like the rest, and I am excited and nervous about starting back to work part-time. It will be a change even though it's very few hours. I decided to take a position that is close to home and only weekends and evenings for now. I weighed a lot of my options and this was what was going to best suit our family.
I have learned that having a child changes everything. You can't just get up and go do whatever you want to do anymore. Your day ends around 6pm when bath time and bedtime routine start. Everything is busy! It keeps getting busier. I've been told by many that is gets easier as they age, I disagree. Certain things do, but Carson is one busy boy! He doesn't sit still and when he wants something he sure lets me know. It's almost impossible for me to cook dinner or get dishes done with a little person pulling on my pants or pinching my legs!
Carson took his first baby steps this week and I am going to be taking my first baby steps letting him go when I go back to work next week.
May 17, 2012
Let's See How Far We've Come
10 months have gone by since we brought our beautiful baby boy home from the hospital. We've been through many challenges and sometimes when I look back there was a very dark period for me when Carson wasn't sleeping well. A huge learning curve had to be tackled. The biggest challenge of my life. There were so many moments that I said:"I can't do this anymore!" The thing was that I had no choice.
Here I am now after getting through some really tough times, with a happy, beautiful boy smiling and laughing at me. We have some really fun days. There is still so much work at this age, but it's all so worth it!
All the really hard months seem like they never happened now. Carson is sleeping well at night and napping well during the day. He's a happy boy! We made it! We've come a long way...
This week Carson started using his walker all on his own. He's minutes away from walking by himself. He also successfully ate lunch with his day care provider and played while I did some errands without crying. A huge relief for me as I know I will be headed back to work very soon.
I just look at him and see just how fast he's changing into a toddler already. I'm proud of who he is already becoming and how far we've made it. I have to say, there were some tough nights, weeks and days I used to wonder why the heck I even had a baby!
All I know is that it seems that every week Carson is doing something new. He's finding new ways of communicating, he's getting stronger and making me smile more and more.
It's amazing to me that I have the honour of helping to mould him into who he will be. Sure, some of who he becomes will be nature, but I can also impact his values and life experiences. Carson has been making up for all the crap he put me through at the beginning. The rewards are being reaped! I'm loving this age so much. I never thought I'd want him to get bigger, now he's about 22 pounds and I'm not looking back :)
Here I am now after getting through some really tough times, with a happy, beautiful boy smiling and laughing at me. We have some really fun days. There is still so much work at this age, but it's all so worth it!
All the really hard months seem like they never happened now. Carson is sleeping well at night and napping well during the day. He's a happy boy! We made it! We've come a long way...
This week Carson started using his walker all on his own. He's minutes away from walking by himself. He also successfully ate lunch with his day care provider and played while I did some errands without crying. A huge relief for me as I know I will be headed back to work very soon.
I just look at him and see just how fast he's changing into a toddler already. I'm proud of who he is already becoming and how far we've made it. I have to say, there were some tough nights, weeks and days I used to wonder why the heck I even had a baby!
All I know is that it seems that every week Carson is doing something new. He's finding new ways of communicating, he's getting stronger and making me smile more and more.
It's amazing to me that I have the honour of helping to mould him into who he will be. Sure, some of who he becomes will be nature, but I can also impact his values and life experiences. Carson has been making up for all the crap he put me through at the beginning. The rewards are being reaped! I'm loving this age so much. I never thought I'd want him to get bigger, now he's about 22 pounds and I'm not looking back :)
May 3, 2012
Back To Work
When Austin and I first met and had all those crazy discussions about life and our future together, one thing we talked about was kids. We both said that we wanted to be there for our kids as much as possible.
Austin and I both were fortunate to have wonderful Mother's who stayed at home with us most of our lives. We grew up with a Mom there whenever we needed her. A Mom to send us off to school and be there when we got home. We both agreed that we wanted the same thing for our own children one day.
One day is here!! After months of thinking and talking about what I'm going to do about going back to work I've decided to go back part-time. I know we will be giving up certain things.. wait, we already have! We don't go out, we don't buy fancy things and we aren't moving into a massive house anytime soon. We want to enjoy growing our family and be able to afford things here and there. We can make it work, we just need to pinch pennies.. wait, we already do!
The cost of daycare compared to my income and the amount of time I would be away from my baby was just not worth it. Nothing would get done around the house and I would be exhausted. I'm not sure how other Mother's do it.
Going back to work part-time is what is going to work for me (I think!). A great opportunity close to home has come up and I have my interview today. I'm excited and nervous about going back to work. I've been hanging around in Mommy-land for 10 months now and have no idea what is going on in the banking world. Wonder how many new Visa products have been rolled out? Lots of catching up to do.
Fortunately, we found a great care provider just around the corner and we have had a couple play dates so far. I know this adjustment is going to be harder on me than it will be on Carson. Lately, every time I give him his bottle and put him down for his nap, I almost cry thinking that I won't be around as much soon.
I know it's normal and every Mom goes through this. I'm worried about how well he will nap at daycare, if he's going to miss me, if he will get hurt by other kids (it's happened before under my own watch!), if I will be able to handle another role.... the list goes on.
Some good news is that my old work pants fit! They may not fix exactly the same way, but they fit and I don't have a muffin top.(woo hoo!) I know everyone will be looking to see how well I've "bounced back" from having a baby and gaining 60 pounds right? People do stare at my tummy to see the damage. I feel like just lifting up my shirt and showing them! Might not be appropriate in a professional environment though right? I will have to remind myself that I'm not at home anymore in my Mommy pants!
So much to think about, but I know I can handle this. I've handled a lot this past year. I can do it and so can Carson. Change is good, I'm going to embrace it!
Austin and I both were fortunate to have wonderful Mother's who stayed at home with us most of our lives. We grew up with a Mom there whenever we needed her. A Mom to send us off to school and be there when we got home. We both agreed that we wanted the same thing for our own children one day.
One day is here!! After months of thinking and talking about what I'm going to do about going back to work I've decided to go back part-time. I know we will be giving up certain things.. wait, we already have! We don't go out, we don't buy fancy things and we aren't moving into a massive house anytime soon. We want to enjoy growing our family and be able to afford things here and there. We can make it work, we just need to pinch pennies.. wait, we already do!
The cost of daycare compared to my income and the amount of time I would be away from my baby was just not worth it. Nothing would get done around the house and I would be exhausted. I'm not sure how other Mother's do it.
Going back to work part-time is what is going to work for me (I think!). A great opportunity close to home has come up and I have my interview today. I'm excited and nervous about going back to work. I've been hanging around in Mommy-land for 10 months now and have no idea what is going on in the banking world. Wonder how many new Visa products have been rolled out? Lots of catching up to do.
Fortunately, we found a great care provider just around the corner and we have had a couple play dates so far. I know this adjustment is going to be harder on me than it will be on Carson. Lately, every time I give him his bottle and put him down for his nap, I almost cry thinking that I won't be around as much soon.
I know it's normal and every Mom goes through this. I'm worried about how well he will nap at daycare, if he's going to miss me, if he will get hurt by other kids (it's happened before under my own watch!), if I will be able to handle another role.... the list goes on.
Some good news is that my old work pants fit! They may not fix exactly the same way, but they fit and I don't have a muffin top.(woo hoo!) I know everyone will be looking to see how well I've "bounced back" from having a baby and gaining 60 pounds right? People do stare at my tummy to see the damage. I feel like just lifting up my shirt and showing them! Might not be appropriate in a professional environment though right? I will have to remind myself that I'm not at home anymore in my Mommy pants!
So much to think about, but I know I can handle this. I've handled a lot this past year. I can do it and so can Carson. Change is good, I'm going to embrace it!
April 29, 2012
He'll Make You Pay!
Lately I've been trying to mess with Carson's naps to try and actually have a life. People think stay-at-home Mom's just stay at home all day and have all this time to sit around and smell the roses. Not quite. When I was expecting Carson I was one of those people who thought stay-at-home Mom's had so much time to get laundry, cooking and cleaning done. I was excited about having time to keep an organized house and thought I'd have it all together. Fast forward almost a year and our house looks like a disaster almost every day. The thing is, I never stop cleaning and everything still looks a mess!
Why is this happening? I guess here's what an average day looks like for me.
6-630am- Carson wakes up
7am- we play and eat breakfast
830-9am- Carson has a nap
10-1030am- Carson wakes up from his nap
1030am-12pm- my opportunity to do an errand or meet up with a friend
Noon- Carson eats lunch
1230-1pm- Carson's afternoon nap
230-3pm- Carson wakes up
4pm- Carson's dinner
6pm- Carson's bathtime
7pm- Carson's bedtime
Basically, my life revolves around Carson's naps. I'm stuck in the house otherwise. I do dishes 2-3 times a day. I have to shower while he naps or else he gets into all the cupboards in the bathroom or tries to eat toilet paper and rip down the shower curtain. (such a boy!)
I tried to have Carson nap at a friends house the other week and he wasn't having any of that. There was no way he was going to sleep somewhere else. So, I had to drive him home. All I wanted was some time to relax with a friend while he napped. Her baby is on the same sleep schedule as Carson so we figured it would be fine. Carson didn't think so.
I sure paid for that. It took 2 whole days for Carson to start sleeping normally again. It was like going backwards. I was a mess about it. I felt like it was my fault for trying to do something different. I get about an hour of time to spend out of the house and then I have to go home, feed Carson his lunch and put him down for a nap. I just wanted more time to enjoy my friend and eat lunch without listening to my baby cry or worry about him getting into something or having him throw food at me while I try to eat.
The same thing happened when I took him to my parents. He had a great 2 hour morning nap, then only slept for 40 minutes in the afternoon. I didn't get home until 7pm (which is reasonable right??) and he didn't end up going to bed until almost 9pm! Teething may be the culprit here. He's just been so sensitive to sleep. I can't get away with anything. No fun for Mommy!
It's frustrating, exhausting, stressful and tiring. I'm going to have to start having people come visit me from now on. Until Carson outgrows his morning nap, I have to accept that I have very limited time to accomplish my mountain of never ending chores, errands and every day life stuff (like having a shower or remembering to brush my teeth!).
I guess the moral of this story is that no matter what, Carson has to come first. This baby will not let me change anything. He knows routine, he knows his bed and he wants his way or else he'll make you pay!
Why is this happening? I guess here's what an average day looks like for me.
6-630am- Carson wakes up
7am- we play and eat breakfast
830-9am- Carson has a nap
10-1030am- Carson wakes up from his nap
1030am-12pm- my opportunity to do an errand or meet up with a friend
Noon- Carson eats lunch
1230-1pm- Carson's afternoon nap
230-3pm- Carson wakes up
4pm- Carson's dinner
6pm- Carson's bathtime
7pm- Carson's bedtime
Basically, my life revolves around Carson's naps. I'm stuck in the house otherwise. I do dishes 2-3 times a day. I have to shower while he naps or else he gets into all the cupboards in the bathroom or tries to eat toilet paper and rip down the shower curtain. (such a boy!)
I tried to have Carson nap at a friends house the other week and he wasn't having any of that. There was no way he was going to sleep somewhere else. So, I had to drive him home. All I wanted was some time to relax with a friend while he napped. Her baby is on the same sleep schedule as Carson so we figured it would be fine. Carson didn't think so.
I sure paid for that. It took 2 whole days for Carson to start sleeping normally again. It was like going backwards. I was a mess about it. I felt like it was my fault for trying to do something different. I get about an hour of time to spend out of the house and then I have to go home, feed Carson his lunch and put him down for a nap. I just wanted more time to enjoy my friend and eat lunch without listening to my baby cry or worry about him getting into something or having him throw food at me while I try to eat.
The same thing happened when I took him to my parents. He had a great 2 hour morning nap, then only slept for 40 minutes in the afternoon. I didn't get home until 7pm (which is reasonable right??) and he didn't end up going to bed until almost 9pm! Teething may be the culprit here. He's just been so sensitive to sleep. I can't get away with anything. No fun for Mommy!
It's frustrating, exhausting, stressful and tiring. I'm going to have to start having people come visit me from now on. Until Carson outgrows his morning nap, I have to accept that I have very limited time to accomplish my mountain of never ending chores, errands and every day life stuff (like having a shower or remembering to brush my teeth!).
I guess the moral of this story is that no matter what, Carson has to come first. This baby will not let me change anything. He knows routine, he knows his bed and he wants his way or else he'll make you pay!
April 26, 2012
It's Never Too Late To Start....
I have found myself saying:"I've been meaning to do that" a lot lately. Each week passes by and "that" never gets done. The never ending day to day tasks consume my weeks, days, hours and minutes. So, what is the problem? Why can't I seem to have time for anything? Why is dinner never planned out? Still? Carson is almost 10 months and I'm still "failing" at being the perfect Mom and wife.
How to fix this....
PLANNING!!!!!!!
So, starting May 1st I plan to regularly make meal plans using this sheet, start using a budget for us to keep on track with expenses and see where all the money goes. I was using Google Calendar for a while to plan everything from working out to getting together with friends. It was working, so I need to start that again.
I have also decided to start cloth diapering Carson. It seems kind of crazy at first. Why would I want to add more work to my days if I can barely get everything done now? There is no logical answer to that question. I originally wanted to cloth diaper and was going to do the trial after Carson's first month, once again, I just never got around to doing it. Almost 10 months later I'm starting.
This seems to be a common theme according to many Mom's in a cloth diapering Q & A group I'm a member of. It really never is too late. It is better to start helping the environment and your baby whenever you can. I'm hoping it will help with potty training. Carson will feel the wetness much more with cloth. We will see soon enough how that goes!
I borrowed a few cloth diapers from a good friend and used them for 2 days. It honestly isn't hard to use cloth diapers, at least the pocket ones. No folding. Just snaps. Easy. I was expecting it to be a lot harder. I knew it had to be easy for me and Austin or neither of us would ever get on board the cloth diaper train.
It's weird how people react when you say you're cloth diapering. Someone said:"Ewwww!" What's so gross? Everything is contained in a wet bag and the poo just goes down the toilet. Simple. It's not hard. If I can learn this and do this, anyone can.
So today marks the first day of changing over to the cloth diapering world. I still have to perfect my laundry routine and figure out what is going to work best for all of us, but I'm positive and hopeful that what I'm doing is right not only for the environment, but for Carson as well.
Here's what I bought to start out and how much I spent:
1 Wetbag from PlanetWise $34
Country Save Detergent $12.99
6 used Fuzzibunz $10 each
3 Rumparooz $23.50 each
1 Bumgenius elemental cloth diaper +organic cotton all in one (no insert, closest to disposable!) $27.50
1 Bumgenius 4.0 Snap pocket $23.45
1 Swaddlebee Simplex $21.45
Here is a link to a helpful site that I read when I was contemplating cloth diapering. Is Cloth Diapering Worth it?
A couple more links to the brands I purchased:
Rumparooz
Fuzzibunz
Swaddlebees
BumGenius
I hope my first day goes well! I only have a few more days until May 1st when I need to get my life in order!! Wish me luck!
How to fix this....
PLANNING!!!!!!!
So, starting May 1st I plan to regularly make meal plans using this sheet, start using a budget for us to keep on track with expenses and see where all the money goes. I was using Google Calendar for a while to plan everything from working out to getting together with friends. It was working, so I need to start that again.
I have also decided to start cloth diapering Carson. It seems kind of crazy at first. Why would I want to add more work to my days if I can barely get everything done now? There is no logical answer to that question. I originally wanted to cloth diaper and was going to do the trial after Carson's first month, once again, I just never got around to doing it. Almost 10 months later I'm starting.
This seems to be a common theme according to many Mom's in a cloth diapering Q & A group I'm a member of. It really never is too late. It is better to start helping the environment and your baby whenever you can. I'm hoping it will help with potty training. Carson will feel the wetness much more with cloth. We will see soon enough how that goes!
I borrowed a few cloth diapers from a good friend and used them for 2 days. It honestly isn't hard to use cloth diapers, at least the pocket ones. No folding. Just snaps. Easy. I was expecting it to be a lot harder. I knew it had to be easy for me and Austin or neither of us would ever get on board the cloth diaper train.
It's weird how people react when you say you're cloth diapering. Someone said:"Ewwww!" What's so gross? Everything is contained in a wet bag and the poo just goes down the toilet. Simple. It's not hard. If I can learn this and do this, anyone can.
So today marks the first day of changing over to the cloth diapering world. I still have to perfect my laundry routine and figure out what is going to work best for all of us, but I'm positive and hopeful that what I'm doing is right not only for the environment, but for Carson as well.
Here's what I bought to start out and how much I spent:
1 Wetbag from PlanetWise $34
Country Save Detergent $12.99
6 used Fuzzibunz $10 each
3 Rumparooz $23.50 each
1 Bumgenius elemental cloth diaper +organic cotton all in one (no insert, closest to disposable!) $27.50
1 Bumgenius 4.0 Snap pocket $23.45
1 Swaddlebee Simplex $21.45
 |
| My loot |
A couple more links to the brands I purchased:
Rumparooz
Fuzzibunz
Swaddlebees
BumGenius
I hope my first day goes well! I only have a few more days until May 1st when I need to get my life in order!! Wish me luck!
April 15, 2012
Enjoying the Moments
Over the past few days I have been really trying to savour each moment I spend with Carson. I know I have been enjoying these last 9 months, but there have been many moments of frustration and stress that came along with a lot of sleep deprivation. Now that I am getting at least 5 hours of sleep in a row, life with a baby is much more manageable. Oh, and coffee is helping out too!
A change that has reminded me to just slow down has been seeing how quick Carson has gone from just crawling to pulling himself up on almost anything. Every day it seems easier and easier for him to just stand up. He's falling down less and less and reaching for everything. It's amazing to see how fast he's growing up. Carson is also talking so much more. It's mostly just "Dad, daddadadada!" in various ways, but it's still the cutest thing ever. He's been doing this since January, but now it's more like he's trying to tell us something. I'm working on getting him to say "Mama!" next.
I read an article in a magazine this week and it was written to new Moms. The author is a Mom herself and wrote about how when her baby was young she rushed getting out of the baby stage. I have wished the same thing from time to time. The article then went on to say that if she could go back, she would have held her baby a little more, not let her baby cry as much, not rush getting her baby out of a stroller-- it will happen fast enough! Her children are now older and she said she wishes she could just go back to those baby days. This article reminded me that this is probably one of the most special times of my life and that I need to take more time to just relax and enjoy my little baby now because I will never get these days back.
I am always afraid of life just passing me by. It already seems to be. I don't want to have any regrets. I want to enjoy these special moments as much as I can. Carson is such a happy little boy. He has so much to offer. He loves to interact with me and it's amazing that I created this little human. I really want to take more time to just reflect on these things. Sometimes life is too crazy. It's hard to slow down. There is always so much to do. I'm trying to find ways to simplify things and just let things go.
Once Carson was born it felt like my life just sort of reset. I started a new chapter of my life. Even from the beginning to now, it's unbelievable how much I have changed and evolved. I have learned so many things and gained so much experience. I was never prepared for just how much my baby was going to change my life. People say babies change everything, it's true. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than being Carson's Mom. He brings so much love into my life. It's an overwhelming feeling of love and joy when I look at him. He's just so pure and innocent and happy. I am so proud to be his Mother and to have created this beautiful family. We are truly blessed and I will never take these days for granted. I have learned a big lesson, to slow down and truly enjoy being in this moment.
A change that has reminded me to just slow down has been seeing how quick Carson has gone from just crawling to pulling himself up on almost anything. Every day it seems easier and easier for him to just stand up. He's falling down less and less and reaching for everything. It's amazing to see how fast he's growing up. Carson is also talking so much more. It's mostly just "Dad, daddadadada!" in various ways, but it's still the cutest thing ever. He's been doing this since January, but now it's more like he's trying to tell us something. I'm working on getting him to say "Mama!" next.
I read an article in a magazine this week and it was written to new Moms. The author is a Mom herself and wrote about how when her baby was young she rushed getting out of the baby stage. I have wished the same thing from time to time. The article then went on to say that if she could go back, she would have held her baby a little more, not let her baby cry as much, not rush getting her baby out of a stroller-- it will happen fast enough! Her children are now older and she said she wishes she could just go back to those baby days. This article reminded me that this is probably one of the most special times of my life and that I need to take more time to just relax and enjoy my little baby now because I will never get these days back.
I am always afraid of life just passing me by. It already seems to be. I don't want to have any regrets. I want to enjoy these special moments as much as I can. Carson is such a happy little boy. He has so much to offer. He loves to interact with me and it's amazing that I created this little human. I really want to take more time to just reflect on these things. Sometimes life is too crazy. It's hard to slow down. There is always so much to do. I'm trying to find ways to simplify things and just let things go.
Once Carson was born it felt like my life just sort of reset. I started a new chapter of my life. Even from the beginning to now, it's unbelievable how much I have changed and evolved. I have learned so many things and gained so much experience. I was never prepared for just how much my baby was going to change my life. People say babies change everything, it's true. There is nothing I'd rather be doing than being Carson's Mom. He brings so much love into my life. It's an overwhelming feeling of love and joy when I look at him. He's just so pure and innocent and happy. I am so proud to be his Mother and to have created this beautiful family. We are truly blessed and I will never take these days for granted. I have learned a big lesson, to slow down and truly enjoy being in this moment.
April 11, 2012
The Importance of Mommy Friends
This week I've already had visits with two of my friends who have babies only a week or two younger than Carson. One friend also has an almost 3 year old which gives me a chance to see what it will be like whenever Austin and I have a second baby one day.
This year off is flying by. I haven't been the best at getting together with other Mom's as much as I know I should have. I haven't gone to play groups in fear of messing up Carson's naps and I lost interest in Mom and Baby yoga when I had no one else to go with and wasn't really connecting with other Mom's. It has been much more challenging than I imagined finding other Mom's to connect with face to face. There are many online Mom groups, but I just think we all need a little more face to face HUMAN contact too.
If it wasn't for these couple Mom friends I do get together with, everyone else I know is working. Once Carson arrived, I kind of lost touch with anyone who doesn't have kids. It's the truth, as awful as it is. It's harder to have the same social life as I did before because my kid naps 2 times a day and goes to bed at 7pm. Life is certainly more restricted. I can't just get up and go the way I used to and maybe it's hard for people to understand or relate to. Maybe they do get it, but don't feel like being around parents who talk about their kid all the time. I know I didn't get it until I had my own baby. You're life is really consumed by your little one 24/7.
I'm lucky to have the great friends I do have. They always understand that I can't plan too far in advance and sometimes can't even shower before getting together. It's totally acceptable to eat baby food for lunch and sit on the floor in our head to toe black outfits. Mom friends just get it. I can be myself. I never feel judged. I always have a person who can relate to my struggles and joys.
To all my Mom friends (you know who you are) thank you for welcoming me into your homes and being there for me when I've needed it. Thanks for motivating me to workout and for reminding me not to be too hard on myself. Thanks for listening to all my blabbing. Thanks for everything. Xoxo
This year off is flying by. I haven't been the best at getting together with other Mom's as much as I know I should have. I haven't gone to play groups in fear of messing up Carson's naps and I lost interest in Mom and Baby yoga when I had no one else to go with and wasn't really connecting with other Mom's. It has been much more challenging than I imagined finding other Mom's to connect with face to face. There are many online Mom groups, but I just think we all need a little more face to face HUMAN contact too.
If it wasn't for these couple Mom friends I do get together with, everyone else I know is working. Once Carson arrived, I kind of lost touch with anyone who doesn't have kids. It's the truth, as awful as it is. It's harder to have the same social life as I did before because my kid naps 2 times a day and goes to bed at 7pm. Life is certainly more restricted. I can't just get up and go the way I used to and maybe it's hard for people to understand or relate to. Maybe they do get it, but don't feel like being around parents who talk about their kid all the time. I know I didn't get it until I had my own baby. You're life is really consumed by your little one 24/7.
I'm lucky to have the great friends I do have. They always understand that I can't plan too far in advance and sometimes can't even shower before getting together. It's totally acceptable to eat baby food for lunch and sit on the floor in our head to toe black outfits. Mom friends just get it. I can be myself. I never feel judged. I always have a person who can relate to my struggles and joys.
To all my Mom friends (you know who you are) thank you for welcoming me into your homes and being there for me when I've needed it. Thanks for motivating me to workout and for reminding me not to be too hard on myself. Thanks for listening to all my blabbing. Thanks for everything. Xoxo
April 9, 2012
Accepting the Changes
Carson sure is a changing boy. It has been hard to keep up with it all to be honest. The crawling was so fast we just weren't ready for it. Our house was not baby proofed and it made my days long and very unproductive. Now, we have gates that actually work and stay where they need to be so I can let my little guy roam around without worrying too much. At least I can do the dishes and cook now. Yay for me!
The one change that has been harder to accept for me as the Mother, has been the end of breastfeeding. It's been a week now since the last night I nursed him and I'm still a little sad it's all over.
What is making it harder to accept is that I'm still making milk. It takes longer than I expected to just dry up. Having the milk still there keeps reminding me what I'm missing out on. I really loved breastfeeding. Yes, there were some challenges, but I loved having that quiet time with Carson.
I've also learned that once again, there are more hormonal changes that come along when the breastfeeding stops. My husband doesn't know what mood I'm going to be in from one minute to the next. Thankfully, he deals with me.
Carson has been the happiest, sweetest, cutest baby over the past few days. He's also sleeping so well and really enjoying his freedom around the house. I know giving him bottles and formula wasn't what I had in mind, but I am accepting it. It has just taken me some time.
I do think it's a sad way to end breastfeeding, no matter when it happens, by being engorged and uncomfortable. To me, breastfeeding is a beautiful relationship and the ending takes away some of the beauty.
I'm just focusing on the new changes and letting go of the "baby stage". Carson is entering into the toddler stage now and he's happier than ever!
The one change that has been harder to accept for me as the Mother, has been the end of breastfeeding. It's been a week now since the last night I nursed him and I'm still a little sad it's all over.
What is making it harder to accept is that I'm still making milk. It takes longer than I expected to just dry up. Having the milk still there keeps reminding me what I'm missing out on. I really loved breastfeeding. Yes, there were some challenges, but I loved having that quiet time with Carson.
I've also learned that once again, there are more hormonal changes that come along when the breastfeeding stops. My husband doesn't know what mood I'm going to be in from one minute to the next. Thankfully, he deals with me.
Carson has been the happiest, sweetest, cutest baby over the past few days. He's also sleeping so well and really enjoying his freedom around the house. I know giving him bottles and formula wasn't what I had in mind, but I am accepting it. It has just taken me some time.
I do think it's a sad way to end breastfeeding, no matter when it happens, by being engorged and uncomfortable. To me, breastfeeding is a beautiful relationship and the ending takes away some of the beauty.
I'm just focusing on the new changes and letting go of the "baby stage". Carson is entering into the toddler stage now and he's happier than ever!
April 5, 2012
Cabbage Leaves
Day one of no pumping and my boobs are hard as rocks! Ouch! Just holding Carson hurts. I did give in and pump for about three minutes this morning just to relieve a bit of the pressure so I could function. I guess since I'm desperate enough I'm going to try using cabbage leaves. I went to the store and basically only bought a head of cabbage. I must have looked weird.
I hope the cabbage leaves help and the milk stops soon! I went to bed without a bra last night and that was a mistake. I woke up covered in milk.... ewww! There is nothing all that easy when it comes to stopping milk production. Carson still has no interest in feeding. I did try again just to see what he would do and he did not want to be put in the feeding position. It's almost been a week now.
I've made my decision and I'm just going to stick with it. I was reading a site about child lead weaning and it just made me feel bad about stopping at this point. I know that I'm doing what's best for my baby and myself. I can't keep forcing a baby to breastfeed.
Bottle feeding is going well. Carson is happier and sleeping better too. He was up a few too many times last night for some unknown reasons, but it's all good. We're figuring things out one day at a time.
How to use Cabbage Leaves to help relieve engorgement
I hope the cabbage leaves help and the milk stops soon! I went to bed without a bra last night and that was a mistake. I woke up covered in milk.... ewww! There is nothing all that easy when it comes to stopping milk production. Carson still has no interest in feeding. I did try again just to see what he would do and he did not want to be put in the feeding position. It's almost been a week now.
I've made my decision and I'm just going to stick with it. I was reading a site about child lead weaning and it just made me feel bad about stopping at this point. I know that I'm doing what's best for my baby and myself. I can't keep forcing a baby to breastfeed.
Bottle feeding is going well. Carson is happier and sleeping better too. He was up a few too many times last night for some unknown reasons, but it's all good. We're figuring things out one day at a time.
How to use Cabbage Leaves to help relieve engorgement
April 4, 2012
The Bittersweet End of Breastfeeding
Ok, so I am skipping some really cool stories to write about what's going on now, but I promise to get back to crawling and our road trip to London later. I just wanted to write now about this because it's happening now and fresh in my head.
Carson has decided he doesn't have an interest in breastfeeding anymore. Yes, that was hard to type. It's only been about 4 days since the last time I nursed him and I am still a little emotional about it. I just wasn't ready yet. It seems too early. I was prepared to nurse him until he didn't want it anymore, within reason. I wasn't planning on having a toddler grabbing my boobs in public for a little sip.
Over the past couple of months Carson has started to take less interest in nursing during the day, but I figured that out. I just started feeding him when he was sleepy and he was getting breastmilk at least 4-5 times a day on top of any solids and water we were giving him. However, I was feeding him twice at night and those were much longer feedings than his daytime feedings were. Carson eventually stopped wanting his mid-afternoon feeding. I tried to force him and that isn't the best idea.
He then started biting me on top of it all. I tried to ignore it, but it freaking hurts! He has these two little bottom puppy teeth and they are sharp. I was getting more and more frustrated and so was he. Then I got the flu and my milk supply quickly slowed down. He still wasn't willing to nursing very well. I tried for more than 2 days to get him to feed and nothing was working. I had to give in and give him a bottle of my expressed milk. I decided to rent a hospital grade pump and was determined to keep him off formula (after reading the ingredients I was freaking out!).
Once I started pumping I wasn't able to express enough milk to keep up with the bottles he was drinking. I had to supplement with formula. Yes, I didn't want to, but to me the most important thing is Carson and his health. He needs to eat. If he won't nurse and I wasn't pumping enough milk to give him what he needed, I had to use formula.
After a day of giving him four 6-8 ounce bottles he sure turned into a much happier baby. So although it was very difficult for me to give him formula, I had no choice and he obviously needed it. He simply wasn't getting enough calories during the day before. His diapers are much fuller now and he has been content. These are many indications that he simply wasn't getting enough milk from me. Now that he is fully hydrated and full, he is also sleeping 9 hours through the night. This is a miracle! I have had two nights of real sleep and it's amazing.
After a day of giving him four 6-8 ounce bottles he sure turned into a much happier baby. So although it was very difficult for me to give him formula, I had no choice and he obviously needed it. He simply wasn't getting enough calories during the day before. His diapers are much fuller now and he has been content. These are many indications that he simply wasn't getting enough milk from me. Now that he is fully hydrated and full, he is also sleeping 9 hours through the night. This is a miracle! I have had two nights of real sleep and it's amazing.
I was going to keep pumping and giving him my milk mixed with formula, but it's just so much work. Pumping 4 times a day, warming up the milk, and cleaning everything! I just want to enjoy my baby and not be tied to a pump. If I already need to give him formula I might as well save myself some time and stress and just go all the way. Also, I already had my last night nursing Carson and emotionally it's hard trying to feed him and have him reject me over and over. I just want the milk to be gone. It's not the same having a machine take the milk out of your boobs. It's so mechanical. I miss holding my baby and having him be near me. I don't need to be reminded that he doesn't want me anymore every time I pump.
I do miss nursing already. I always knew that no matter when it ended I would miss it. He's not my little baby anymore. He's growing up very fast already and changing day by day. This experience has forced me to let him be more independent. The end of breastfeeding is very bittersweet. I miss our special time together that no one else had, but I am also looking forward to being more free. I can actually go out for more than a few hours without worrying about having to be home to nurse. Now, anyone can feed him and I can try to get out more. Breastfeeding does really tie the Mother down. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The bond Carson and I share is beautiful and I am proud to have given him the best start in life possible. I made it through my own challenges and enjoyed everything about nursing. Now I just have to go through the weaning stage. I'm just hoping it isn't going to last too long or be too painful.
Here are some links that I found helpful when I was going through this stuff.
March 26, 2012
No Vacation Plans....
A while ago we were thinking about heading down south for a week to finally get away and kick up out feet. Thinking more and more about it, we were sure it was the perfect time to take Carson on his first adventure down south and we were confident we could handle it.
After doing some research and trying to figure out a date that would work, we decided it just wasn't worth the money right now. It would have been well over what we wanted to spend and we knew it wasn't going to be the kind of vacation we wanted (one without a baby for that kind of money!!!). Also, the dates just weren't lining up. So, we made it through another winter here in Canada and survived, even with a baby!
It's all for the best anyway, we've been having some awesome spring temperatures so I'm glad we didn't book anything for April like we were going to!
We still are going to be vacationing this year at some point. It seems like time is just flying by. Carson is coming up on 9 months already and another summer is quickly approaching.
One thing I've learned and will remember when we have our second baby is that if we just book something ahead of time we will be forced to go and have fun. We thought about it too much and then it was too late. Carson was at just the right stage in January and February to go away. He was good at sitting in one spot and not going anywhere. I miss that already!
Something we've both learned out of this is that planning is a big part of being parents now. If we don't make plans for fun, it just doesn't happen. I don't like planning everything in my days or weeks, because things change, but making the effort to plan time for family fun is something we need do more of.
After doing some research and trying to figure out a date that would work, we decided it just wasn't worth the money right now. It would have been well over what we wanted to spend and we knew it wasn't going to be the kind of vacation we wanted (one without a baby for that kind of money!!!). Also, the dates just weren't lining up. So, we made it through another winter here in Canada and survived, even with a baby!
It's all for the best anyway, we've been having some awesome spring temperatures so I'm glad we didn't book anything for April like we were going to!
We still are going to be vacationing this year at some point. It seems like time is just flying by. Carson is coming up on 9 months already and another summer is quickly approaching.
One thing I've learned and will remember when we have our second baby is that if we just book something ahead of time we will be forced to go and have fun. We thought about it too much and then it was too late. Carson was at just the right stage in January and February to go away. He was good at sitting in one spot and not going anywhere. I miss that already!
Something we've both learned out of this is that planning is a big part of being parents now. If we don't make plans for fun, it just doesn't happen. I don't like planning everything in my days or weeks, because things change, but making the effort to plan time for family fun is something we need do more of.
March 11, 2012
Success!!!
I am happy to announce that for now, sleep in our house is getting much easier. Carson still likes to fight sleep and is pretty stubborn sometimes, but we are making huge amounts of progress.
Carson has learned how to sit up in his crib and continues to get stuck in the strangest positions. I have to go in and rescue him at times and tuck him back in. This has made it tough to decipher when he's crying if he needs me or not. I just wait to see if I can hear him banging on the crib. He likes to throw his soother out of the crib too. I think he gets frustrated because he wants to get it and can't.
The good news is that there is much less crying now. Even during the night. When I feed him he goes right back to sleep all on his own. No protesting. His eyes are open when I put him in his crib. I don't rock him back to sleep at all. This means I'm only awake for 10-15 minutes now when he needs a feeding. This is much better than before.
I have accepted that Austin and I created much of the poor sleep habits that Carson has ourselves. I went through a day or two of feeling guilty about that.(Always blaming myself!) I caused him to be reliant on me to fall asleep and now we are forced to break these habits.
Austin and I didn't do any reading about sleep. We just thought we could figure it all out. Mistake # 1! Thankfully, Carson is handling the changes well and we are seeing many positive changes in his sleep habits.
I feel so relieved to finally have "figured" this out. For those of you who are judging me for my method of letting my precious baby boy cry, I don't care. I however, judged others for doing this and have now done it myself. I guess that makes me a hypocrite?? Yep. That's me. All I know is that sometimes doing what is "right" isn't easy. It's been 4 days of sticking to this new way and Carson barley makes a peep when he goes down to sleep. In less than a week, his sleep habits have dramatically changed. Those are real results with a lasting impact. A healthy new way of life for all of us in the Reid household.
I'm still not sleeping as well as I should be. I was reading more of the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child today, and it mentioned that if monitors are being used to stop using them. My kid is only a few feet away and in the next room. I'm only making my sleep less restful by amplifying the sounds of him fussing himself back to sleep. He's not even crying, but it wakes me up. I will hear him when he needs me.
Here is an interesting paragraph I love from the book.
I know, it makes you feel bad right? It sure made me see that I was holding Carson back and not allowing him to figure things out on his own. Now that I've given him the chance to do so, look how well he's doing! It's great!
Anyone who knows me must be surprised to hear me say I let my kid cry it out. Even 2 months ago, I never thought I would do this. The thing is, I tried all the fluffy stuff, like going to him every 5-10-15 minutes, picking up, putting down, ect.. It was all too little too late.
If I had started to change our sleep habits earlier on at 3-4 months, maybe a more "gentle" approach could have been successful. On the other hand, Carson is a pretty stubborn kid. He is happy and easy going, but when it comes to sleep, he doesn't do so well. I'm sure he gets this from me. So, Mom and Dad, I guess I'm getting my "pay back".
I also have changed my thinking of crying. Crying is a form of communication. When Carson goes to sleep, he's always fed and comfortable. When I did go to him when he cried all the time, he would laugh at me or start trying to play games. He just wanted attention. This behaviour is also my fault. I went to him for everything for so long that he got used to my company, instead of just going back to sleep on his own, my presence awakened him much more than if I would have just left him.
There are so many ways to break bad sleep habits. My choice may not be right for you and your family. Like I've said, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Having a baby is tough. I didn't think it would be this hard. I feel so much pride that I have accomplished something positive for my baby. He needs sleep that isn't fragmented. He needs rest to grow and be strong and healthy.
It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions, but we've survived and come out stronger than ever!
Carson has learned how to sit up in his crib and continues to get stuck in the strangest positions. I have to go in and rescue him at times and tuck him back in. This has made it tough to decipher when he's crying if he needs me or not. I just wait to see if I can hear him banging on the crib. He likes to throw his soother out of the crib too. I think he gets frustrated because he wants to get it and can't.
The good news is that there is much less crying now. Even during the night. When I feed him he goes right back to sleep all on his own. No protesting. His eyes are open when I put him in his crib. I don't rock him back to sleep at all. This means I'm only awake for 10-15 minutes now when he needs a feeding. This is much better than before.
I have accepted that Austin and I created much of the poor sleep habits that Carson has ourselves. I went through a day or two of feeling guilty about that.(Always blaming myself!) I caused him to be reliant on me to fall asleep and now we are forced to break these habits.
Austin and I didn't do any reading about sleep. We just thought we could figure it all out. Mistake # 1! Thankfully, Carson is handling the changes well and we are seeing many positive changes in his sleep habits.
I feel so relieved to finally have "figured" this out. For those of you who are judging me for my method of letting my precious baby boy cry, I don't care. I however, judged others for doing this and have now done it myself. I guess that makes me a hypocrite?? Yep. That's me. All I know is that sometimes doing what is "right" isn't easy. It's been 4 days of sticking to this new way and Carson barley makes a peep when he goes down to sleep. In less than a week, his sleep habits have dramatically changed. Those are real results with a lasting impact. A healthy new way of life for all of us in the Reid household.
I'm still not sleeping as well as I should be. I was reading more of the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child today, and it mentioned that if monitors are being used to stop using them. My kid is only a few feet away and in the next room. I'm only making my sleep less restful by amplifying the sounds of him fussing himself back to sleep. He's not even crying, but it wakes me up. I will hear him when he needs me.
Here is an interesting paragraph I love from the book.
"It cannot be emphasized enough: The major sleep problems in babies from five to twelve months old develop and persist because of the inability of parents to stop reinforcing bad sleep habits. Some parents don't see themselves as interfering with an important learning process in their child, namely, learning how to soothe themselves to sleep unassisted. The failure of children to fall asleep and stay asleep by themselves is the direct result of parents' failure to give their child the opportunity to learn these self-soothing skills. In other words, some parents can't leave their kids alone long enough for them to fall asleep by themselves. Don't underestimate children's competence and ability to learn at these early months!" p. 271-272 Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child; M.Weissbluth,M.D.
I know, it makes you feel bad right? It sure made me see that I was holding Carson back and not allowing him to figure things out on his own. Now that I've given him the chance to do so, look how well he's doing! It's great!
Anyone who knows me must be surprised to hear me say I let my kid cry it out. Even 2 months ago, I never thought I would do this. The thing is, I tried all the fluffy stuff, like going to him every 5-10-15 minutes, picking up, putting down, ect.. It was all too little too late.
If I had started to change our sleep habits earlier on at 3-4 months, maybe a more "gentle" approach could have been successful. On the other hand, Carson is a pretty stubborn kid. He is happy and easy going, but when it comes to sleep, he doesn't do so well. I'm sure he gets this from me. So, Mom and Dad, I guess I'm getting my "pay back".
I also have changed my thinking of crying. Crying is a form of communication. When Carson goes to sleep, he's always fed and comfortable. When I did go to him when he cried all the time, he would laugh at me or start trying to play games. He just wanted attention. This behaviour is also my fault. I went to him for everything for so long that he got used to my company, instead of just going back to sleep on his own, my presence awakened him much more than if I would have just left him.
There are so many ways to break bad sleep habits. My choice may not be right for you and your family. Like I've said, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. Having a baby is tough. I didn't think it would be this hard. I feel so much pride that I have accomplished something positive for my baby. He needs sleep that isn't fragmented. He needs rest to grow and be strong and healthy.
It's been a roller coaster ride of emotions, but we've survived and come out stronger than ever!
March 8, 2012
Here's the Truth
In my previous post about sleep I know I said that Carson has been sleeping good and that I have been letting him cry. The truth is that I have been giving in and slowly resorting back to old habits of helping him get to sleep. Yes, his sleep has improved and I haven't been helping him get to sleep all the time, but I have been giving in if he cries too long.
I have been giving him the opportunity to get to sleep on his own and we did let him cry for a while about 6 weeks ago and we saw an improvement almost right away. Then, I started rocking him to sleep again so that he would just sleep and I could get on with my day. This was selfish of me I suppose. I was again, taking away his independence and thinking of myself and getting out of the house. I should have stuck it out because it would have been easier then doing it again now.
Yesterday was the first day of letting him cry again for real. This time I'm sticking to my guns and motivated to see it through. No more giving in.
Here is how the day played out yesterday...
Morning Nap
Sucked. Basically napped for 30 minutes. I let him cry, then gave in after about 20 minutes because I wanted to get to the gym for a class at 1030 and needed him to just sleep. He ended up having a 40 minute nap at the gym daycare. This is not ideal. He should be napping properly in his crib for at least an hour to get a restful sleep. Something new I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
Afternoon Nap
Sucked again. He fell asleep on his own but only slept for 30 minutes. He has learned how to sit up and does this in his crib and gets frustrated that he can't go back to sleep sitting up.... can anyone? So, I did go in and walk him around the room for 20 minutes. He settled down and when I put him in his crib to sleep he woke up. So frustrating. I let him cry for a while. After an hour of listening to him cry and almost go to sleep, then cry, I gave up.
Bedtime
Since his naps were awful, I knew he was going to be overtired and cranky so I started bedtime a little earlier. Another important thing I learned is to follow your baby's cues. They will let you know they are tired. Don't ignore it!
I bathed Carson and then nursed him in his room with no lights on. This was around 530pm. He started to fall asleep nursing so I switched sides and he woke up more. I gave him his soother and then put him in his crib after hugging him and kissing him goodnight. I tucked him in and put on his mobile. I have never tired letting him sleep on his own for bedtime ever, so I was expecting him to scream bloody murder.
I went in our bedroom and waited for the crying to begin. It was 6:11pm. At exactly 6:14pm, there was quiet in the room. I waited about 5 more minutes before sneaking into his room and putting his blanket on him.
He then slept for 3 hours before stirring around 9pm. I let him talk to himself and find his way back to sleep. He did take about 15 minutes or so until getting there, but he did it. At 1230am he woke up for a feeding, it had been 6 hours since the last one.
Another 3 hours later he woke up again. I noticed he was pretty hot. Not sweating, but almost feverish. I noticed this before bedtime but figured I'd wait to give him anything for it. This was the right time, so I gave him some Advil and nursed again. He seemed thirsty. He slept after this until 7am.
Huge breakthroughs last night! I'm so happy. None of this has been easy. Austin has had a harder time with it since he's not here as much. It's hard to hear your child cry, but we know it's worth it. I'm sure Carson will protest many other things as he grows up and we will have to say no. That's all we're doing now. It's all for his own good. We all need more sleep and with more sleep there will be less stress and a much happier family life. We're on the right track, we just need to keep on going.
I have been giving him the opportunity to get to sleep on his own and we did let him cry for a while about 6 weeks ago and we saw an improvement almost right away. Then, I started rocking him to sleep again so that he would just sleep and I could get on with my day. This was selfish of me I suppose. I was again, taking away his independence and thinking of myself and getting out of the house. I should have stuck it out because it would have been easier then doing it again now.
Yesterday was the first day of letting him cry again for real. This time I'm sticking to my guns and motivated to see it through. No more giving in.
Here is how the day played out yesterday...
Morning Nap
Sucked. Basically napped for 30 minutes. I let him cry, then gave in after about 20 minutes because I wanted to get to the gym for a class at 1030 and needed him to just sleep. He ended up having a 40 minute nap at the gym daycare. This is not ideal. He should be napping properly in his crib for at least an hour to get a restful sleep. Something new I've learned from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.
Afternoon Nap
Sucked again. He fell asleep on his own but only slept for 30 minutes. He has learned how to sit up and does this in his crib and gets frustrated that he can't go back to sleep sitting up.... can anyone? So, I did go in and walk him around the room for 20 minutes. He settled down and when I put him in his crib to sleep he woke up. So frustrating. I let him cry for a while. After an hour of listening to him cry and almost go to sleep, then cry, I gave up.
Bedtime
Since his naps were awful, I knew he was going to be overtired and cranky so I started bedtime a little earlier. Another important thing I learned is to follow your baby's cues. They will let you know they are tired. Don't ignore it!
I bathed Carson and then nursed him in his room with no lights on. This was around 530pm. He started to fall asleep nursing so I switched sides and he woke up more. I gave him his soother and then put him in his crib after hugging him and kissing him goodnight. I tucked him in and put on his mobile. I have never tired letting him sleep on his own for bedtime ever, so I was expecting him to scream bloody murder.
I went in our bedroom and waited for the crying to begin. It was 6:11pm. At exactly 6:14pm, there was quiet in the room. I waited about 5 more minutes before sneaking into his room and putting his blanket on him.
He then slept for 3 hours before stirring around 9pm. I let him talk to himself and find his way back to sleep. He did take about 15 minutes or so until getting there, but he did it. At 1230am he woke up for a feeding, it had been 6 hours since the last one.
Another 3 hours later he woke up again. I noticed he was pretty hot. Not sweating, but almost feverish. I noticed this before bedtime but figured I'd wait to give him anything for it. This was the right time, so I gave him some Advil and nursed again. He seemed thirsty. He slept after this until 7am.
Huge breakthroughs last night! I'm so happy. None of this has been easy. Austin has had a harder time with it since he's not here as much. It's hard to hear your child cry, but we know it's worth it. I'm sure Carson will protest many other things as he grows up and we will have to say no. That's all we're doing now. It's all for his own good. We all need more sleep and with more sleep there will be less stress and a much happier family life. We're on the right track, we just need to keep on going.
March 7, 2012
Mr. Independent
At 8 months old Carson has started to morph into a little man now. He was always very curious and determined to learn new things on his own, but now that is changing to independence.
I used to be able to give him anything to eat and now he wants to feed himself. I have tricked him into thinking he's feeding himself by letting him hold the spoon. At least this way he's putting the food in his mouth. If I don't let him touch the spoon, he often closes his lips and turns his head and yells at me. Seriously? At 8 months I'm getting attitude!
When Carson first started doing this I thought "Omg, he doesn't like chicken stew anymore? He loved it yesterday? Fine, I'll go make 4 other dishes for you until you eat." So, I was letting him control me. He started doing this with almost every food. Even finger foods he could eat himself, he was just playing with them and throwing them on the floor and letting Arlo lick them.... great, more mess!
I've accepted it, my little 8'6 baby is now most likely 20 pounds and moving around. He wants to see and do things on his own.
He has also recently decided he likes to share. It all started with his soother. I was walking around with him one day and he took his soother out of his mouth and put it up to my mouth. I took it and he reached to get it back, put it in his mouth and gave it to me again. This continued as I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't realize at first what he was doing was intentional until he kept doing it. I guess he wanted me to stop singing to him!
Later that day, he had the soother in his mouth and Arlo walked in to see us when we were playing on the floor and Carson reached out his hand with the soother and tried to give it to Arlo. There was no way I was letting Arlo destroy another soother. I praised Carson for sharing though. It's so cute. He tried to give me his mushy banana tonight too. I just said "No, thanks." eeeww...
Mr. Independent at 8 months, playing new games and learning new skills each week. Parenthood is full of wonder and amazement. How did I get this lucky to have such a special boy in my life. I couldn't be happier.
 | |
| Carson eating like a big boy! Sharing with Arlo. |
When Carson first started doing this I thought "Omg, he doesn't like chicken stew anymore? He loved it yesterday? Fine, I'll go make 4 other dishes for you until you eat." So, I was letting him control me. He started doing this with almost every food. Even finger foods he could eat himself, he was just playing with them and throwing them on the floor and letting Arlo lick them.... great, more mess!
I've accepted it, my little 8'6 baby is now most likely 20 pounds and moving around. He wants to see and do things on his own.
He has also recently decided he likes to share. It all started with his soother. I was walking around with him one day and he took his soother out of his mouth and put it up to my mouth. I took it and he reached to get it back, put it in his mouth and gave it to me again. This continued as I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't realize at first what he was doing was intentional until he kept doing it. I guess he wanted me to stop singing to him!
Later that day, he had the soother in his mouth and Arlo walked in to see us when we were playing on the floor and Carson reached out his hand with the soother and tried to give it to Arlo. There was no way I was letting Arlo destroy another soother. I praised Carson for sharing though. It's so cute. He tried to give me his mushy banana tonight too. I just said "No, thanks." eeeww...
Mr. Independent at 8 months, playing new games and learning new skills each week. Parenthood is full of wonder and amazement. How did I get this lucky to have such a special boy in my life. I couldn't be happier.
March 6, 2012
The Sleep Journey
When Carson was four months old his sleep took a mysterious turn for the worst. He slept 7-9 hours a night from about 3 weeks and then all of a sudden, he started waking up almost every hour. At first I dealt with it thinking it was just another growth spurt. Then after a week I figured it was indigestion, then teething, then any excuse I could think of.
Austin and I tried everything to get him to sleep better, including co-sleeping, making the room darker, colder, warmer, soothers, less blankets, more blankets, different bedtime routines. Nothing worked. Sleep deprivation crept in and "forcing" Carson to sleep and nap started to consume me.
The one thing I didn't try and was afraid of doing, was letting him cry it out. I was doing the attachment parenting thing and believed that if I let him cry he would hate me and not trust me anymore. I didn't want to ruin the relationship I had built with him. I also didn't want him to have a negative experience in his crib and associate his crib with feeling abandoned.
Now that I've educated myself on sleep (which I should have been doing before Carson was born instead of worrying about contractions), we have been successful in establishing naps and an appropriate bedtime.
Here is the before and now:
Before
I have to thank Tif for giving me a little nudge to change what I was doing. It's not that what I was doing was wrong, but it obviously wasn't working and I needed to do something different to change the situation. I just felt awful letting him cry. I had to distract myself and turn music on, clean baseboards, do dishes, anything but sit by his door and wait. The minutes seemed like hours when all I wanted to do was go in and rock my baby to sleep. I did give in and still do once in a while, this only slows down the progress, but it was the only way I could get through it.
My Mom told me that I was like Carson when I was a baby. I knew this long before I was expecting Carson and thought my parents were so mean for letting me cry it out. Back in the 80's that's what their doctor told them to do. Now I feel like a hypocrite for using the method myself. There were ways to avoid the cry it out method if I had been more educated on sleep before Carson was born. I blame myself for the way his sleep habits changed. I should have done a lot of things differently. I've learned so much.
Once again, my Mom was right! I'm sure she's loving this! Instead of learning the hard way all the time, maybe I just need to listen to her. I just wanted to do things my own way. She kept herself from getting involved and didn't actually tell me what I was doing was wrong or to change anything. I'm sure if she did I wouldn't have listened anyway. Both my parents have been supportive but respectful about the way we do things in our home.
Here are two of the books that I've read. I would suggest to pick one and stick to that method. The two books contradict each other a bit.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
There is so much more to say about sleep. We are still in the middle of this crazy journey and making progress day by day.
Austin and I tried everything to get him to sleep better, including co-sleeping, making the room darker, colder, warmer, soothers, less blankets, more blankets, different bedtime routines. Nothing worked. Sleep deprivation crept in and "forcing" Carson to sleep and nap started to consume me.
The one thing I didn't try and was afraid of doing, was letting him cry it out. I was doing the attachment parenting thing and believed that if I let him cry he would hate me and not trust me anymore. I didn't want to ruin the relationship I had built with him. I also didn't want him to have a negative experience in his crib and associate his crib with feeling abandoned.
Now that I've educated myself on sleep (which I should have been doing before Carson was born instead of worrying about contractions), we have been successful in establishing naps and an appropriate bedtime.
Here is the before and now:
Before
- Naps were basically non-existent. I assumed that 8 hours of sleep at night was enough and if he needed naps he would take them. He did in the form of "cat naps" for maybe 30 minutes in his swing, car seat,on my boobs or in his stroller. That counted as a nap to me at the time. Wrong.
- Bedtime was after being nursed to sleep for sometimes 90 minutes (ridiculous!) and then sometimes he would still wake up when we tried to put him in his grobag or swaddle him.Then he needed to be walked or rocked to sleep and this was at 10pm to stop the screaming. I had even resorted to using my wrap and walking around the neighbourhood for an hour. It worked, but getting him off me woke him up. It was a never-ending vicious cycle of exhaustion and frustration.
- Any time he woke up during the night or made a noise, I went right to him and nursed.
- He has 2-3 naps a day which are anywhere from 45-60minutes in the morning and 60-120 minutes in the afternoons. All naps are in his crib. A big difference from before. It was hard to establish this at first. It took a lot of perseverance.
- We have a very regular nap routine as well. I read him books, put him in his crib, turn on the sound machine (ocean waves) and leave the room when he is still awake. Another huge adjustment from before that took a long time to finally work.
- He falls asleep on his own 85% of the time. Learning to stop rocking him was hard. It was very difficult to hear Carson cry and cry in his crib and not go to him. It made me cry. It was the hardest thing I've had to do so far as a parent that was for his own good. Rocking/nursing him to sleep was taking away his independence and now he has figured out how to fall asleep on his own.
- Now when he makes fussing noises and I know he's ok, I give him the opportunity to fall back to sleep on his own at night time. I only nurse him about every 6 hours at night.
I have to thank Tif for giving me a little nudge to change what I was doing. It's not that what I was doing was wrong, but it obviously wasn't working and I needed to do something different to change the situation. I just felt awful letting him cry. I had to distract myself and turn music on, clean baseboards, do dishes, anything but sit by his door and wait. The minutes seemed like hours when all I wanted to do was go in and rock my baby to sleep. I did give in and still do once in a while, this only slows down the progress, but it was the only way I could get through it.
My Mom told me that I was like Carson when I was a baby. I knew this long before I was expecting Carson and thought my parents were so mean for letting me cry it out. Back in the 80's that's what their doctor told them to do. Now I feel like a hypocrite for using the method myself. There were ways to avoid the cry it out method if I had been more educated on sleep before Carson was born. I blame myself for the way his sleep habits changed. I should have done a lot of things differently. I've learned so much.
Once again, my Mom was right! I'm sure she's loving this! Instead of learning the hard way all the time, maybe I just need to listen to her. I just wanted to do things my own way. She kept herself from getting involved and didn't actually tell me what I was doing was wrong or to change anything. I'm sure if she did I wouldn't have listened anyway. Both my parents have been supportive but respectful about the way we do things in our home.
Here are two of the books that I've read. I would suggest to pick one and stick to that method. The two books contradict each other a bit.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
There is so much more to say about sleep. We are still in the middle of this crazy journey and making progress day by day.
February 28, 2012
Baby On Board!
Before I had a baby those little yellow signs made me think twice about following too closely and maybe slowing down a bit. Now that I have a baby, I'm a much more defensive driver than I ever was before.
Carson has always liked travelling in the car. When he was younger he cried only if we were out too long and if he was due for a feeding. He seemed hungry all the time at the beginning! It was a challenge to accomplish one thing when I was out of the house. Thankfully, that has changed. He likes to play with his toys and look in the mirror at Mommy. I talk to him and he seems to like the music on the radio. He taps his feet to the beats. If we're in the car long enough, he falls asleep, or if he's already tired. He's a good boy!
Driving around the city I see a lot of dumb drivers. In particular those who drive too fast, follow too close, and cut me off in a snow storm, or anytime really.
When Carson was only a few days old, my Mom was driving us on the way to a doctor's appointment when a car cut us off. I instantly became so protective of Carson and started yelling and banging on the window. I can't remember what I was yelling, but it wasn't something I would have wanted Carson to hear. I was surprised how I reacted.
Life is precious and very vulnerable in a car. I knew that before having Carson, but I feel so responsible for him and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. He's such a happy baby and has so much life ahead of him. I know I won't always be able to protect him from getting hurt, but I wish that driving wasn't so dangerous. People seem to be in too much of a rush these days and often don't realize how dangerous their actions could potentially be.
There was a bad snow storm a few days ago and I had to go out to the vet because Arlo's ears were really bothering him. Carson had to come with me of course because Austin was working. I started off at the grocery store because we needed something for dinner and again, I was missing key ingredients. The snow seemed to start falling faster and the roads took a turn for the worst as I was out. Great....
I couldn't believe how recklessly people were driving. I was doing 40km/hr at times and felt that was fast enough given the road conditions. Carson was making all these noises in the back and I was trying to just focus on being a good driver and not going in the ditch. I had Arlo at my head watching out the windshield. It was an interesting drive. I had to remind myself to breathe. I was thinking to myself:"Stupid Arlo and his ears. Why did we get a dog? Why can't vets be open later so I didn't have to bring Carson? Why did it have to snow today? Why did that truck just pull out in front of me like that? Seriously!I hope I can break in time without loosing control!"
What's the point of having the Baby On Board stickers on our cars if people still tailgate and drive carelessly? It's so frustrating. Again, I'm realizing that I can only control my own actions as a driver and am continuing to drive defensively. I am going to have to work on my choice of words for these bad drivers as Carson continues to grow older and has already started to copy me!
Carson has always liked travelling in the car. When he was younger he cried only if we were out too long and if he was due for a feeding. He seemed hungry all the time at the beginning! It was a challenge to accomplish one thing when I was out of the house. Thankfully, that has changed. He likes to play with his toys and look in the mirror at Mommy. I talk to him and he seems to like the music on the radio. He taps his feet to the beats. If we're in the car long enough, he falls asleep, or if he's already tired. He's a good boy!
 |
| Carson sleeping in the car. Taken January 2012. |
When Carson was only a few days old, my Mom was driving us on the way to a doctor's appointment when a car cut us off. I instantly became so protective of Carson and started yelling and banging on the window. I can't remember what I was yelling, but it wasn't something I would have wanted Carson to hear. I was surprised how I reacted.
Life is precious and very vulnerable in a car. I knew that before having Carson, but I feel so responsible for him and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. He's such a happy baby and has so much life ahead of him. I know I won't always be able to protect him from getting hurt, but I wish that driving wasn't so dangerous. People seem to be in too much of a rush these days and often don't realize how dangerous their actions could potentially be.
There was a bad snow storm a few days ago and I had to go out to the vet because Arlo's ears were really bothering him. Carson had to come with me of course because Austin was working. I started off at the grocery store because we needed something for dinner and again, I was missing key ingredients. The snow seemed to start falling faster and the roads took a turn for the worst as I was out. Great....
I couldn't believe how recklessly people were driving. I was doing 40km/hr at times and felt that was fast enough given the road conditions. Carson was making all these noises in the back and I was trying to just focus on being a good driver and not going in the ditch. I had Arlo at my head watching out the windshield. It was an interesting drive. I had to remind myself to breathe. I was thinking to myself:"Stupid Arlo and his ears. Why did we get a dog? Why can't vets be open later so I didn't have to bring Carson? Why did it have to snow today? Why did that truck just pull out in front of me like that? Seriously!I hope I can break in time without loosing control!"
What's the point of having the Baby On Board stickers on our cars if people still tailgate and drive carelessly? It's so frustrating. Again, I'm realizing that I can only control my own actions as a driver and am continuing to drive defensively. I am going to have to work on my choice of words for these bad drivers as Carson continues to grow older and has already started to copy me!
February 27, 2012
We Deserve a Vacation
Our last vacation was January 2010 where we went to Mexico with family, so not even just the two of us. We agreed not to go anywhere last year since I was preggers and didn't feel like leaving the country looking like a whale and not being able to take advantage of the all inclusive part of going to an all inclusive, the alcohol!
Now, it's 2012 and we have a baby to take care of. We love having a family, but what about going away? I've always believed we wouldn't have to kiss our dreams away just because we have a baby, but in September we tried travelling with Carson... here is what happened:
We were very hopeful about our first attempt at a family vacation. Many things got in our way of enjoying our time together. We tried to keep positive and we failed!
At the time, Carson was still nursing at least every 2-3 hours and taking about 45 minutes to eat. We were pretty tied down to his feedings not leaving much time to actually see or do anything. Now that I look back, we were crazy to go to Montreal. It wasn't exactly the most baby friendly place. We also tried using a stroller on a cobble stone street.... not a good idea!
Quebec City was also a write off. It rained a lot of course, so we had a lot going against us. We decided to just give up and go home after 2 nights, one of which we camped out in our borrowed hippie bus that had a leak in the ceiling.
Driving with a 10 week old had it's challenges as well. The sound of Carson crying was stressful for us when we were stuck in heavy traffic and couldn't do anything to help him. I remember just wishing I could take him out of his car seat and nurse him. It was hard!
After this horrible, horrible experience, Austin and I looked at each other and said "We're NEVER doing that again!!" This is why we haven't done anything this winter.
Since Carson was 10 weeks he has changed a lot. He's on a much better routine, he breastfeeds within 10 minutes, he's easily entertained, we can give him food to distract him and he's a great baby in the car. So, we've been thinking we deserve a break. Even if it's not a romantic vacation or one that we are partying every night, it would be wonderful to get away from Ottawa and our home for a week and just sit on a beach. No dishes, no cooking, no dog, no housework! We would love to take Carson in the ocean and let him play in the sand.
Are we crazy for even considering a trip after what we went through in the fall? I don't know what the answer to that is. I do know that Carson is a different baby now and we are also much more competent parents. We can handle it... right?
We haven't made any decisions, and we may not end up going anywhere. Time will tell, so keep on reading!
 |
| Our last true vacation together. January 2010 Cozumel Mexico |
Now, it's 2012 and we have a baby to take care of. We love having a family, but what about going away? I've always believed we wouldn't have to kiss our dreams away just because we have a baby, but in September we tried travelling with Carson... here is what happened:
We were very hopeful about our first attempt at a family vacation. Many things got in our way of enjoying our time together. We tried to keep positive and we failed!
At the time, Carson was still nursing at least every 2-3 hours and taking about 45 minutes to eat. We were pretty tied down to his feedings not leaving much time to actually see or do anything. Now that I look back, we were crazy to go to Montreal. It wasn't exactly the most baby friendly place. We also tried using a stroller on a cobble stone street.... not a good idea!
 | |||
| Babywearing in Quebec City. Much easier | than a stroller. |
Driving with a 10 week old had it's challenges as well. The sound of Carson crying was stressful for us when we were stuck in heavy traffic and couldn't do anything to help him. I remember just wishing I could take him out of his car seat and nurse him. It was hard!
After this horrible, horrible experience, Austin and I looked at each other and said "We're NEVER doing that again!!" This is why we haven't done anything this winter.
Since Carson was 10 weeks he has changed a lot. He's on a much better routine, he breastfeeds within 10 minutes, he's easily entertained, we can give him food to distract him and he's a great baby in the car. So, we've been thinking we deserve a break. Even if it's not a romantic vacation or one that we are partying every night, it would be wonderful to get away from Ottawa and our home for a week and just sit on a beach. No dishes, no cooking, no dog, no housework! We would love to take Carson in the ocean and let him play in the sand.
Are we crazy for even considering a trip after what we went through in the fall? I don't know what the answer to that is. I do know that Carson is a different baby now and we are also much more competent parents. We can handle it... right?
We haven't made any decisions, and we may not end up going anywhere. Time will tell, so keep on reading!
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